Beyond Myself To Victory

Hi There!!!

Its been awhile pretty busy. But this is for my two emails from Candace and Kelly.

Candace's letter was pretty wow factor at first but I understand her and took her challenge that she requested. Here's her letter.

Hi.....I think that you are some rich snob that has never been through real hurt. You have never been through pain that is so deep it follows you forever. I am what you call strange or look poor thing. Ive been made fun of all my life and been called the ugly chick or Witch or look here comes the witchcraft girl. I've tryed changing myself and making myself better but its never good enough. My dad told me when I was 14 that I was the reason for my parents divorce because I am to weird....like really who says that!!! My letter won't make it because its not about cancer or about real problems. Why don't you try living a day in my shoes???? I would like to see you try! I am that girl with orange or blue hair. I am that girl that doesn't dress like the "Prep" crowd. I get looks and people telling me cool hair, or wow lots of black you could be so pretty. My father or whatever he is to me... is like a doctor and he doesn't even claim me as his kid. I am 16 and think that you should try it out and see how I feel. And NO I DON'T DO IT FOR ATTENTION! Its what I like.

Candace.


Here is Kelly's letter

Dear SmTownTexasGirl-

I found your blog and love it. You are someone I feel like I could talk to for hours I have friends with kids and know people that have crazy stories and life's. I am 16 and would love to share my story. My life is just the rats nest. My parents got a divorce about 3 months ago. Before I always dressed the way I wanted and did my hair the way I wanted and never felt pretty. The new song by "Pink" is about me. I don't want to strange myself. I guess that's what everybody says I do. What do you think? I can't wait to move back in with my mother. My father says I need to dress right and stop coloring my hair colors that are inappropriate that its just not lady like. What is lady like? Did you ever try? Are you one of those that thinks its for attention? Write me back I am lost for words and a very sad lonely girl. I try to make the things I say about myself alot more positive. Better then look how fat I am and ugly if I was only what my Father wanted me to be. Ive gotten skinny through counseling I have started eating again. I just have a fear of being Fat, and I want guys to think i am hot!

Thanks Kelly.


Thank you both for your letters. No I don't think its all for attention. That means everyone that gets there hair done, does it for attention.We do it because that's what we like we want to feel good about ourselves! Candace I took your challenge and colored my hair pink and purple. I got alot of awesome hair! Wow love that! and Purples my favorite color. I also got comments that might not be so refreshing. I was at the store and a lady told me hmmm... like the hair but you know that you are pretty sweet heart... One man in a elevator told me can't believe you would ruin your hair like that such a pretty face. Through all that I am thinking. I know I am pretty and honestly thought it was pretty cool! But it hurt when someone tells you something about yourself that you are thinking what in the world I think it looks nice!! Candace I am sure you have been through alot more then you have said. The truth is pink,blonde,purple,blue or orange it only matters what you think about yourself. I am sorry your father told you that. Really Candace he has bigger issues in his life to tell his precious daughter that you were the cause. No matter what You two do in life you are pretty and God made you in his image. HE made you just like he wanted you to look like. Skinny,Fat,flat chested, big boobs that is how you are made to be. Kelly the song "Less than Perfect" is a great song! I love that song. The truth is "Why" do we strange ourselves... Because WE are all different. I don't want to look like everyone else. Changing my clothes and hair color was my first step to realize that I am beautiful. That there are to many people out there that think that we have to do what the "World" wants us to do. IF you are happy with who you are and having a relationship with Jesus is the only thing that matters. Don't worry about it be who you are. Candace if someone calls you a witch again ask them. Do you really know that is true or do you just like to make up things that make you feel better about yourself? Don't let people bully you. I know this sounds like a mother saying this. But please go and tell someone about your issues with other students. Don't hold it in. YOU ARE pretty and the things that young girls go through are just outrageous. Deep down in side you both want your fathers to accept you. Go sit down with them and ask them what is that you can not accept about me dad? I just want to be who I am and what God made me to be. Sometimes father just want the best. He doesn't want you getting made fun of or has different plans for. Let him know who you really are. Theres nothing wrong with wearing black. Just don't make yourself look available to boys that's where low esteem sets in. Take pride in who God made you to be. Love the body,face and soul that he gave you. I love the letters and No I am not a rich snob LOL!! I know Candace we already talked about this. But Girls its not funny to have eating disorders or trying to hurt yourself or changing your image because someone in a elevator thinks that you are not pretty enough... Just like in that song Pretty, Pretty please don't you ever ever feel less than perfect. Because to God you are perfect to him. I am glad we got to know each other and I love you both! And Candace guess what??? Your letter made it. And the Convo's we have had really helped me know that its fun to color my hair and its fun to know that theres alot of girls out there going through the same thing and we can all stick together. Its TIME to stop letting your generation think they have to be perfect like the girls in the movies. We are all beautiful! Yall both have good hearts lets start showing that on the outside and not worry about anything else that makes you think about your outside. I promise wants you start loving who God made you look and be. Everything changes your whole idea of yourself becomes more clear. Because your soul is happy, not only with you but with God in your life he is the only thing that can change your heart and put back all the broken pieces!








And to the both of you here is your poem

Seeds of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation house

My warfare has been crazy; and sometimes knocks me off my guard. I have attacks upon my life, that take their hold upon my heart. But, Ive learned that opposition will tip me off to who I am;Even WHEN the devils mad, and wants to come and steal my land. You see, God has placed within me, a mighty rushing wind; He's gifted me for service-to live my life in HIM.So even in the winepress when I'm hiding from the Lord. He is still pursues me for HIS army, and HE gives me wings to soar. He calls me PAST myself, so he can activate my faith; He gives me what I need, to boldy walk out of the cave.

So the point is there are alot of you girls out there that let boys walk all over you. Eating disorders or just flat out think you need to be perfect. Its ok stop trying you already ARE!! I hope everyone looks in the mirror tonight and says I am pretty! and I can STOP hurting myself. So the first step is to Love YOUR self and worry about fixing you because thats all that matter is you in the long run! Be who God made you to be don't worry about what others want you to be!

siging off- SmTownTexasGirl

Little Acts Of Kindness

Hi There!!!

Page 186

I have been going through just about everything imaginable lately. Or I am sure it could be worse. I received a email about a women going through some difficult issues herself. And It's very good story. I will tell her story. She asked that I just call her Lilly.

Hi,
My name is Lilly I have been in pains and worries. Back and fourth from the Doctor. My husband died in a car crash last year. Just a accident and very hard for my family and I to get over. I have two sons which are my everything and only thing now. My visit to the Doctor was not pleasant. He told me that I have cancer. And I need to get treatment right away. Or my timeline will be cut short. I asked him when and where? Only thinking about my two sons. He gave me the information and said he would have his nurse take care of all the rest and get me started with a specialist ASAP. I was terrified but determined that I will get though whatever I have to for my sons. They have already lost there Father. They CAN NOT lose me. I get in my car after waiting for the nurse to give me information and appt time and where. I snagged my phone out of my purse to call my mother. Then just put my phone back in not ready to share my news to much going through my mind. I knew I had to tell her my APPT was on a Friday and it was already Wednesday. My mother would have to help with the boys. My oldest in Highschool and my youngest in middle school. Telling my boys would be the hardest thing I think that I would ever have to do. To me my boys are strong and have already gone through awful pain with there Father. I decide I would pick them up and take them to a special dinner and we would speak about it together. I was taking them to there Father's favorite steak house. My oldest son got in the car after practice and I said ok boys! Lets go do dinner at the one and only best steak house. Why? the oldest said? Lets just go home I am tried and have lots of homework. I said, because its because we have to. My youngest said, Its not the anniversary of Dad? Is this just for fun? I wish I could have said yes. But I decided to say no, we have to talk about some things. As we got to the restaurant we sat down. I told the youngest we will have to share. As money is tight with just me working. My oldest is going to start helping after he begged that I needed help. And would rather help then play football. Even though that brings tears to my eyes because he will have to grow up to fast. The extra money will help our little family alot. So I will be talking to him as well about helping when I disclose the news. My oldest son said he wasn't hungry and I said YES you are! Get something. Atleast a small steak or hamburger. Just then a lovely looking elderly couple walked up. The mans voice very soft and sweet said, HI... Sorry to bother you and your boys at dinner. But we wanted to catch you before you ordered. I was thinking Oh great, what do they need? I smiled and said ok how can we help you? The women in a very calm voice replied. My husband and I wanted to buy you dinner. And no expectations! Get whatever you want. And also dessert please! No worry everything is on us! No matter the cost. I said, No No please! But thank you we are fine. I am sure there is another family that needs there meal bought today. The elder man said, no we insist and please take this as a gift that will bless you and your children. I told the couple thank you so much! And we all got our own meals and the boys also had dessert. I was to full to even think about dessert. I told my sons that I was going to tell them something, but not to panic! And That it is being taken care of and we are all going to be fine. As oldest son says, You have cancer? I stared in his eyes. And tears fell from his. I said, Yes boys I have cancer. My youngest said, Are you going to die? I said I am going to a special Doctor on Friday to help me so I do not. The oldest said, he is going to look for a job with a smile at my youngest son and said everything will be ok! I can get my friends mom to pick me and my brother up from school Friday you will not have to worry about us Mom! I started to cry and said, I don't worry my boys are good boys! The waiter came to the table and asked if there is anything else everything has been taken care of. I told them no thank you so much! We stood up I turned to wave at the couple Goodbye and Thank you! The women came and wrapped her arms around me. She said, You do have some special boys and what a strong women you are. I am sorry for listening but I said a prayer for you and thought you needed a hug! She said she was a nurse at the local cancer center. And blessing peoples life was her goal in life and mostly for Jesus. I smiled and told her thank you for thinking of me. But How did you know? She said that soft still voice told me. All I heard was pay for her dinner. I had no idea about you life or story. As I left and went to my appt on Friday. I started treatments that next week after blood work. When I arrived at the cancer center. The women was there. I smiled and said I start today! Pray for me! She said she has already been doing that every night. WOW... A stranger that didn't even know me did a small gesture that really help me and my boys with a grieving moment. Or as she would put it God helped me. I finally realize what that means. I am a born again Christan, but I didn't know what it meant to her that soft still voice. When I had my next appt to see if it was working I prayed HARD. I prayed that it was all gone and I was healed by the name of Jesus BECAUSE JESUS IS MY ONLY HOPE!!! Just like you sent the couple, send me healing. I heard that soft voice. And it said, Go and take care of your boys. The Doctor let me know it was working and I am recovering great. I write this into all those moments that you hear or to all those people that just need that little something to help them on the road from all of us Thank you! I have been cancer free for three years now. And it all started when someone decided to share God's love with me and I realize that I can't do this alone. I have to call apon the Lord. So SmTownTexasGirl what poem do you think I would fit my story best or me?

Seeds Of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation House

It's the Little Acts Of Kindness, that so greatly touch our lives; Those little unexpected things, that take us by surprise! It's the heartfelt love of caring, with humility to share; And the tender way of showing, that God is ALWAYS there! It's the Little Acts Of Kindess, that seem to mean the most; In the middle of the crisis, where there seems to be no hope. It's those Little Acts Of Kindess, that won't be soon forgot; Because the sacrifice IS noticed, and captured deep in thought! You see, the Father seeks to find, true humility within; And he watches acts of kindness--that point another's heart to Him!

What a great story Lilly! And I am so glad that you are healed and that God provided you with such great Hope! Even when you felt like you couldn't speak to anyone. He choose someone to speak to you. At a very special place for you also. I am glad that you know the truth about everything and realize that it was just the "Little Act Of Kindness" That turn your issues into HOPE and survival! I am sure your boys are protectors now and feel that they also have a very strong Mother not only in your body and mind but your spirit. For counting on that moment that God was with you! Faith is amazing thing! I find strength just reading your story I hope others do they same. I will share a story about myself now that I think also go with this story. I wasn't going to share it but I think its a perfect fit for this poem. I work in a lab and deal with multiple issues and concerns on a daily basis which is why I work in a lab and enjoy my job.



A patient calls and is very concerned about there results. I tell the patient that I can't tell them anything about there results but will let the Doctor know when they are done. The patient says that they have to come to this Lab because of insurance and has been told that before. I insured the patient that I do this on a daily basis and you will not get left behind. This patient is one of many that I watch and make sure the client gets either because the Client is concerned or the patient is afraid the Doctor will not get the results in time. I have never met this patient until last week. I was up front helping with orders when the patient came in I asked, Have you ever been here before? And says OH YES! I said ok Name and DOB. As I type the name I know who they are? Not saying anything. Get the orders and ask the patient to come around the side where I will take them to the room where the Phelb will take care of them. The Patient says my name in a soft voice looking at my badge. I said yes? You are the one that has blessed my life! My Doctor always has my results and calls me with them!! Can I give you a Hug. I said Yes. I hugged the patient and told them that I am so glad they felt like they were being taken care of. The Patient told me there heart aching story about cancer. And at that moment I realized this is why I work here. I truly got to touch that patients life and make there day alittle less stressful after everything they have been through. I walked to my office with high confidence that I am helping others find Hope!


He is a Great song!! One of my Favorites!! This is for anyone that just needs to hope when you find that HE is your "Only Hope"




siging off - SmTownTexasGirl

In The Silence Of The Moment

Hi There!!

page: 91

Had some e-mails that questioned "Then what happened??" one girl that emailed me said, I have had some of the personal experiences you have had. I felt so alone and never knew what to expect or how to change it. What was the biggest part of change for you? And Do you find yourself Successful and How did you get there? And if you could pick on girl from "Teen Mom" who would you relate to the most?

Well I am sorry you felt alone and no answers believe me I have been there. I would have to say the biggest part of change for me would have to be the moment I realized I could be and do what I wanted in life and be free about it. No more taking care of anyone but myself and child. Pretty much both emails go two and two. After I got out and went to live with my family. Which by the way part of the reason I am successful today. One morning when it made its self all clear. I stood in the mirror and said, Ya know am fat, pale, and plain hair and just ugly. After insulting myself for about a hour. I decided that's it! I wrote a letter that was addressed to myself. It said:

Dear SmTownTexasGirl,

I have made you unique, you are the only one of your kind. You make me smile, and laugh. I made your body just perfect. I made your face with these eyes that will light up a room and a smile that is never ending. I made you from my image. And to me you are beautiful and honestly Robyn that's all that matters. You may think that you have things you need to fix. But everyday I want you to read this to yourself and remember that you are not Fat, pale, plain, or ugly. You are my creation and you are the most prettiest Robyn of your kind that I have created. Have a AMAZING Day and remember that you are mine.

- Love,
Jesus

I called that my "Love Letter from Jesus" every morning I would get up and remind myself just how awesome I am. From all those years about verbal abuse that helped with my very poor self esteem. I decided that was enough. When I started to read it tears would fall and my hands always held my head. Then after time just some tears and I would move on. Then it was like I already knew no more tears I knew it was the truth. I realized that I started to believe it. I managed to take better care of myself and looks and felt great on the inside and was showing it on the outside. Even though it doesn't matter when someone says WOW you look great but it feels good to have that reminder that you do look great! I haven't had to read that letter in along time. But through all that time was just the beginning of letting go of the darkness in my life and letting the light shine in the places that needed it most. I know I person that went through a similar story with her X-husband. One day when she was talking to me she said, I got through most of it by putting on my mirror, "He left me when I was SICK." So she got to remind herself everyday that even with the Cancer and the medical issues that she would survive and not turn back to him for what he did and left her with. I heart always thinks about her and how well she is doing now.

Seeds Of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation House - In the Silence of the Moment, she could hear her heartbeat stop; It's as if all time were over-- with no more ticks up the clock. Reality was crashing in, and where was she to turn. How could she find the answers, if she refused to learn?

Even though I can say I moved on and I went to healing in my life there are always those "what if" moments that get you down. In many cases that would be mine. I have not always been mercy and tender. And well still have my don't catch me on the wrong side of the bed! But Now I know how to use them. I have to let God teach me mercy. And how to be tender. I had to really heal the inside of me to let it show on the outside. I had to let my heart be healed to be able to speak of Mercy and Tenderness. I always believed it for everyone else. I never believed it for me. I know lots of you can agree with that statement. As time went on. I did change. My looks definitely changed and my attitude was getting better and NOT bitter. My goal is to not hold grudges and to remember that we all fall short of the glory of God. Some of my darkest moments where how cruel and hateful and hard I was to myself. Its hard to realize how much you changed yourself by how mean you were to yourself. The things like, Don't get that you really don't need it. OR trying on a million clothes just to put back on your PJ's and going back to bed. Because all you can think about is how ugly you are. OR how you are just not good enough. After rebuilding who I was and how I feel about myself. I can say that I am successful. Success to me is how much I can achieve and that would include, My love for Jesus, my love for myself. The love for my family. How I put myself first for the first times that I needed it most. How I think God for every blessing in my life. How God pours out blessings. How God is just my answer and key point to being successful. To the world my success would be how many things I have. But if you look at the big picture its how blessed I am and its not about the things I have its about my relationship with God that matters in the end. All my riches are from God! (But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:19)

Here's a video that I love!! I saw this and thought "What a Great Idea to Make a Love Letter from God to you on Youtube."





I hope you enjoyed that video it was GREAT and spoke to my heart! Nothing from Jesus ever stops being so amazing I feel sometimes I can't get enough!

Seeds Of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation House - She never really felt the NEED, to turn her heart to Christ! But in the Silence Of The Moment, she bowed her heart in prayer; She gave her heart to Jesus, along with every sin and care! Suddenly her heart was filled, with an overwhelming peace, And she began to rise ABOVE, with extraordinary strength!

You see through all my life trials I feel like this one is the closet to my heart. This poem relates to me. I feel that when my head was down and the moments where quiet. I always seemed to stop and pray. I felt as if this was written for me. Or was it written for you?

All I know to say is that through everything I feel so successful. My life could or may be a "LifeTime" movie like people say but the truth is the only reason I share my story or help you with yours is to share it because I feel its important to help others find Jesus. All the people that I have help or just gave some encouraging to in there ways helped me realize who I was and HOW much I really do love Jesus. I was talking to my brother today. And we to have that when talking about Jesus with someone brings such excitement, or just hearing there story and being able to make there heart feel like there is some HOPE still. Sometimes I might not always have the answers or not know how to relate. But I will always try to stop, silence my mind and wait on the Lord. That's all I can do. With this being said if any of you have any questions about anything or just want some quick HOPE in your moment I am just a comment and e-mail away.

And to the question about "Teen Mom" and Yes I watch that show I have watched it from the beginning. Maci would have to be the one that I relate to most. Not because she has a son. But her and the heart ache of life and Bentley. I have such a big Heart for her and find things that we share. If I could I would love to meet her and just give her a big hug. Tell her that she is doing a great job! That way to go on all the success you are having and have a shoulder when she has tears. I see her pain and sometimes it reminds me that there are so many of you out there just needing someone to listen. Just like I did. So I thank you God for always listening.


With that being said I heard this song and its such a great song. Its by Katy Perry called "Firework" Sometimes we just need a little pick me up to start the day. This song should have been around on those days it seemed there was no purpose for me. Or NOTHING even mattered anymore. Here listen to it.




So Today when all feels lost. Remember that you are special and that YOU can do it! Try to right yourself a "Love Letter From God" and see what it says you might be really surprised what it is you really think about yourself when you have to reverse it. Just like the song said ignite that light! There is all a little Firework in all of us ready to explode! Just let YOURSELF Shine!

signing off - SmTownTexasGirl

Burden To Bear

Hi There!!

I had a question in my mind that I thought I might share kinda just makes since to. And I think alot of people can relate to it or going through it... The e-mail simply said:

Hi, What is the moment that most impacted you to know that this is your life? And what thoughts or reactions did you have? With being pregnant or with your son?

From someone just looking for some answers.

Well...... Umm as most young girls we would probably all be thinking the same thing. What am I going to do!! Or my parents are going to kill me. Or how about my life is over.... I have heard that from lots of people and YOUR life is not over!!

My "Lets Get It Together" moments would have to be the bathroom ha ha. I don't know why I always choose to find my peace there but I do. Maybe its a "Rest" room. Just for me. My things I can recall would be a moment of clarification in my life. Which I will talk about but, remembering that at such a young age it is only natural for you to be afraid or worried. You are not financially ready or mentally ready for the changes that are about to happen. Its ok to think that, it does not mean that you hate this baby coming or that your life is over and that my son/daughter is going to hate me because I couldn't even bare to know if I wanted them. Honestly even if you are married with everything together thoughts of CAN I DO THIS are going to be in your head! Once that child comes you will not remember a life without him/her. It will be like y'all have always been together no matter what. Kids are one of the many AMAZING gifts God gives us! And such great miracles to! The Burdens of children are hard and that's why God has a plan for that. Its first a Man and a Women getting married making a home then having children with two people that love and respect and honor and well have that covenant that God has covered them with "Marriage". So yes, its only natural to be afraid nothing is in order.

So here's a story about something that I have gone through. I remember a "Ah Ha" moment would be one day cleaning my kitchen. My son was born still pretty small. He was crawling around the little duplex looking, discovering with those eyes of wonder. As I watch his little eyes look at the sun reflecting in a mirror making little diamonds around the room, with a smile trying to figure out what is that? Moving his hand back and forth trying to grab it. I see his innocence and stop to think... I look at the sink, turn around and look at the living room. Walk back over to him give him a kiss and walk to his room. I lay him down for his nap, turn around to close the door. I had to pick up the door off the floor and put it in the frame to close it. Yes, it sounds ghetto but I had to make sure it was closed. The door had fallen off because I do not like to argue. One afternoon My X-husband wanted to argue about who knows what. I took my son into his room. Sat him down next to his toy box turned around and he was coming in still trying to yell. I quickly moved over and closed the door not knowing I had smashed his hand in the door which by the way he had broke about week before. He screamed and punched the door so hard it came right off the hinges and fell on the bed. I said, WATCH IT! What if he had been there? His reply was my hand is broken and YOU slammed the door on it. I grabbed my son and left over to my mothers which was about four houses down. Not saying a word to her about it. Just making small talk and getting my son in a calm place. As that flashes through the memory of the door. I stopped and thought what am I doing? I turned to walk back in the living room and sat down. The front door bell rang. I looked out the window and it was some of his friends. I made sure the door was locked and the back and went and sat in the bathroom floor in the dark. Jesus? Can you hear me? I know that I am not perfect and I don't deserve it. But I work so hard on keeping this place nice or clean or being a mother. Why can't you come to my rescue? Where are you? I put my head in my hands and started to cry. Looked at the carpet in the bathroom... Which by the way I HATED! Thinking seriously who wants carpet in there bathroom. The toilet never worked right and it had flooded and the bath tub also leaked I decide to rip it all out. I was so upset that it really didn't matter. I graded a corner and ripped up and there was tile under there. Little white nice tiles with tiny blue flowers. WOW, who would have known? Finished getting it up, and got all the nails out. And fix the door way part so the carpet in the hallway wouldn't come up. Smiled to myself I feel alittle better. Turned the radio on and shut the light back off and became very quiet. This place would be falling apart if it I had not been there to take care of it the best I could. When is it my turn for someone to take care of me? I started thinking again about the innocence of my son and what life I really wanted to give him. How my heart was changing and really how tried I was. I am like a single mother I thought to myself. Got up washed my face and went to lay down. After awhile I got up and got ready, took my son to my mothers before my shift at work. When he came home, I said look at the bathroom looks good huh? I guess, you can tell a girl had a hand in it. And I was still pretty upset about everything else and having no help. I said very rudely, well its better then no hands at all. Somebody had to take care of this place. The old saying you want it done right do it yourself. He quickly laughed and said, yea your right! I will start by helping you work out so maybe you can lose some weight and maybe it will be done right. Tears fell from my eyes. Oh really huh? That's real nice, thanks for making sure I feel even worse about myself. Oh I don't need to help you with that its called a mirror. Whatever! I yelled. I am going to work I went to the bathroom and grabbed my makeup bag because I knew I was going to cry and didn't want anyone to know. As I turned to leave, I said it would be real sad one day when I am no longer here. He said, Nope leave no one is stopping you! You said, we grow up and change. But I didn't mean it like that I meant its time for you to become a husband and Father. I went to my car and he said, By the way I need that took the keys and said go ask your mom for a ride or take her car! I have plans. Work wasn't to far so I walked. All the way there so mad! I couldn't breathe. I got to work and did my shift, not letting a soul no anything was wrong. I grabbed my stuff and headed out the back. When one of the girls saw me walking they said NO! its to late and dark. I will give you a ride. I said Thanks, lied and said having car issues. To embarrassed to say anything about it. She dropped me off. The house was dark. No one was there went inside to change to go get my son. Sat back down on the floor and bailed. It was my "Ah Ha" moment. JESUS! save me please God I can't take it anymore!! Hit the CD player to play. The CD in the top was a mix of some stuff I have burned from my little collection of music. I had not listened to all the songs on it yet. Turned up the music and The song started to play. And that's when I first said it, If He and Things are not going to change please please, GET ME OUT OF HERE! I sat back down on the floor and listened to the song.


Beauty from Pain by Superchick







That song was from God it was the perfect moment and the PERFECT song! It really changed my life from that point. It was like a "Promise" that He gave me. He will bring beauty from my pain. That Promise I never let go I held onto it until I made it out and through it. The song described every emotion and thought I was having. It was like he spoke right to me instantly.


Seeds Of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation House - God would not give me A burden to bear; To only cause grief And overwhelming despair. Along with each burden He'll give me faith to believe; He'll give me hope in the midst Of all I hear, feel and SEE!


Girls, don't let anyone ever tell you things about yourself that are NOT true. Those kind of scars are deep and the more you let build up the worst it is to get rid of. Stop that kind of abuse right at the beginning. Honestly HE is not going to change. You may think he loves you but really I think to most "boys" love the idea of you being his babies mama and cooking, and cleaning and really being his mother. Some guys use those hurtful words because they think if you think your UGLY,NASTY,FAT you won't leave or drill it in your head that NO one else will love you. That is a lie! And if you trust in the Lord you will find your happy. My quote on my fan page last night was, It is good to have a end in a journey, but it is the journey that matters in the end...... Very true. I learned that when I was looking for a Husband to respect, love,have humor, laughter, most important faith in God. I wanted someone that knew what it meant to have that relationship and knew that children and Family was very important to me. Guess what girls I found that man. He loves respect and Honors me as his wife and mother of his children. He helps and takes good care of us. We have our moments but the love I have for him is different and means more to me than anything. When you find what God is wanting you to look for go out and get it. I am glad I was given the chance to go out and find it. It was that promise that God gave me I will remain and there will be beauty from my pain and its not the end for me. And I choose to hold on to the Promise of there being a "Dawn" my sunrise.

So I did pretty much answered the question, I answered it as I knew that it was my life but I wasn't going to let it BE my life. My faith in God was so powerful but my hope and self esteem was running pretty low. And about being pregnant and my son I guess I answered your question. I tryed so hard to make a family and a life and make sure that he was happy and loved. Lets just say my son was loved and I made him my focus on getting away and out for a better life. That was my "Ah Ha" moment.


Ok so if you feel like this story relates to you feel free to email me Honestly God blessed me with great amount of strength and I did most of it alone. Or just God and I. And lots of Faith don't be afraid to tell someone its ok to feel like you can't do it alone. Sometimes when we are the ones in the relationship we don't see what is going on. And it makes it hard to believe that were not CRAZY like they said. Or that we are just losers and are nothing. Your main concern is if you are not married. You shouldn't be living together. That's a whole another story. But that should be your first clue. Does he respect me enough to marry me? Promise rings and lets get engaged in a year NO. That's what is wrong with us today make them fight for you. Make them show you that you are number one and they want you to be apart of there life. And if you are married step back and ask God
to show you not only a window but to open that door. And to have faith that when you go through to close it. Remember you will remain even through the pain and healing it hurts but you will make it. And like the poem says "He'll give me hope in the midist Of all I hear, feel, and see!" He will bring beauty from your pain. I am living proof of that one.

signing off- SmTownTexasGirl

What Upon The Vision

Hi There!!

Seeds Of Hope By Terese Holloway published by Creation House - God sows me in His whirlwind-- I cannot pick my landing spot; For; if my Father is not in it I am just an empty pod. BUT, if its, HE who truly sows me into a rich and fertile ground; My fruit will be in excess, And my soul be upward bound.

Defination of Grief - is a multi-faceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed.

Sorry I have not written I felt as if I was suppose to wait. So when I am told to hold back and wait I did. Tonight after really sitting back and thinking about my blog. I started getting what I really wanted to talk about. I hope that what I am going to talk about is what the comment ment. The funny thing is I really didn't know what to say about Grief. I thought to myself, Thank you God for not letting me go through such intense Grief with the loss of a loved one. But then After the weeks went by I know he showed me that Grief is just Grief. We all feel pain and we all go through some sort of a "Grief." So I looked up the defination of Grief what a perfect defination. "Particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed.


7 Stages of Grief -

1. Shock and Denial
2. Pain and Guilt
3. Anger and Bargaining
4. Depression, Reflextion and Loneliness
5. The Upward Turn
6. Reconstructon and Working Through
7. Acceptance and Hope


Grief is a somewhat commplicated and misunderstood emotion. Yet, grief is something that, unfortunately, we must all experience at some time or other. We will all inevitably experience loss. Whether it is a loss through death, divorce or some other loss, the stages of grieving are the same. I am glad that I took some time to really think about what I am going to say about Grief after thinking about my own life and to others I realized that Grief is one in the same. I read all the definations and looked at all the pages it had for it. They all boil down to the same thing. That the Stages Of Grief all happen to us and the emtional part depends on how the person handles it. I am going to Give 3 examples. Two of them are from my own personal life, and the other is from someone that I know very well and respect. I hope that she doesn't mind.

I will start off with my own personal. When I really learned what Grief was and how the emtion is so powerful over your life. I realized if I would have know this 6 years ago I bet things would have been a little different. Lets start back from some of my first blogs.......With the two examples I went through teenage pregnancy and a divorce at such a young age. I really never couped with it right. Everything I read it was like WOW I went through all of that thinking... Shock and then its my fault... To HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME "Anger" and Then I guess I am not worth anything "Depression." To just wanting to not be alone "Loneliness." To one day remembering that it didn't hurt and it was all gone..... And remembering that its all going to be ok! And I am going to find someone to love me and I am going to have someone love my son "Reconstruction" and "Acceptance." I have had many things that have caused "Grief" in my life.

Crazy huh? How things work. When I was at church this last Sunday. Pastor Todd was talking about somethings that I was confussed or is that me? Kinda thing, It was all junked up in my head. I didn't feel guitly or that I had done something but that I was looking for something. The whole time I was there I wanted to know. I wanted more of it. It almost felt like "Grief" like I didn't want to let it go or I wanted it to stay. As I went to the front, I stood there... Thinking and Thinking What? God what are you saying? Just then a amazing women came up to me and said, What is He Telling you? I stood and thought what is he telling me? I told her I don't know? So I waited for a minute and said he said the "Door is NOT closing" but after that everything I felt was scrabbled.... and then I heard You are aren't there yet. You need alittle more. As I repeated that she said That is a lie. God isn't telling you that. I kinda already knew that...Hard to tell haven't felt that before. She told me the tears that you are crying are tears of Joy and wanting God presence so Bad! That you don't have to be ready for him to move on your life. She gave me the encouagement that I needed that I have changed my life and things are looking up. I have pretty much changed everything I do now. I want to be used the way that I am suppose to. I go when he calls and I say when he speaks. I said But I am ready! She said I know and God knows. There is nothing wrong with wanted more and that she has been here and felt the emtions that flooded over me at that instance. The feeling hurt and I longed for it. As if it was a form of something I had felt before. If I only knew that God was what I was longing for way back then I might already be there.

Anyways I know someone that was such a great person in my life. I did write about her in my first few blogs. I am not going to use her name just incase she doesn't want anyone to know its her. I will call her Kelly. Kelly was young when we first met. Her mother had just passed away not to long after we became friends. Her life was a little crazy meaning that she had a pretty mean boyfriend that we got her away from. And she was going through "Grief" of the loss of her mother. After that Her and I were bestfriends we always did everything together. My son grew up around her. If I needed anything I would call her or she would me. We were always talking and we could talk for hours about anything. Then all my issues started.... and the changes and the "grieving" set in. We went on as nornal. Kelly had something happen to her that was pretty diffecult and it was her boyfriend he had past away. My heart hurt for her. I know that the shock part lasted for awhile and everyone is different on how they react to what happens but for her it did last awhile which was good. So she could try to make the best of what was going on. Then after awhile I felt like my life was changing. It was just different from where it was going to be and what was going to happen. I know now that the timing might not have been right in my eyes. But what I felt in my heart it was time to start over with "change" and focus on my family and I had to do it. She was getting into the "Pain and Guilt" stages. She was there when I told her that I was moving on and then thats when the craziness happened. It happened between the both of us. She said things and I said things. The werid thing is.... After thinking about what we both said things that had to do with our "Grief" in life. Maybe because we both thought it would cut deeper? I don't know. But after all that... she did write me. It was very nice. I thought about everything that was said and how much her and I have been through together the crazy, good, funny, sad, and hurtful times.I wouldn't trade it for anything. I hope that I was there for her just as much as she was there for me. I know that not only did we lose each other in my slient times I realized that I did Grieve for the loss of my bestfriend. I asked God why did it have to be this way? Or just get angry all over again. I remember accepting it and not talking to anyone about it just keeping things to myself or surpise people when they asked how she was doing and I would say I am not sure. I always keep things to myself. Then thats when I got the letter which to me was just a sign from God. That we are to move on and that we should value who we were and what we thought about each other in our times of need. Grief is powerful it will make you change who you are and what you say. I know that we were friends in that time of our life to teach each other and we were friends because thats how it was suppose to be. So for all the grieving in our lifes Kelly! I still thank God for you and that you were always there for me. And I thank God that I was put in your life. We never had a fight. But when we did it ended it all. I know that from what you said in your letter is what I prayed about for you everyday and that it was time. The old saying is we grow up and go on. I just never thought it would be with us like that. And that we were to move on in different directions without a GoodBye. Like I said Maybe one day we will run into each other and I will DEF say HI! I do think God that he showed me how to listen to him and do what he asks but it was probably one of the hardest things for me to do. I am a different person now and I do like the changes I have made to become more like he wants me. The tears I cry now are the Joy of wanting more for my life and family. I have accepted the loss of all the people in my life and I am waiting for the "Vision" He has for me!

Seeds Of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation House - You see, it's only in HIS vision That my heart will truly know; All that HE'S prepared and The mysteris He'll unfold. So though the visionseems to tarry May I put my trust in Him; Ever hoping in the promise That's He's given me within.

So Today if you are in some kind of "Grief" trust in that promise he has given you. That He is going to be there to wipe the tears and that he is going to help you with your stages. And Don't forget that when you accept what has happened to you. Thank God for pulling you through and either you will see that loved one again or He will show you the Sunshine again! So Keep your eyes on the vision!! You have no idea how much this speaks to my heart. I am so glad I waited to write this. I know that Gods vision for me is very close and its just a matter of time. May God Bless everyone of you tonight.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry. - Habakkuk 2:3


This Video is for you "Kelly" this is the perfect song. I hope you enjoy For all the young times and crazy nights! :)They just made us stronger and we shouldn't ever regret who we are today! Stay Strong and I hope that you continue to find God and that your life and things that you are going through that God will never leave your side and all the "Grief" in your life that God shows you how to use to for his kingdom and that you will save others with there pain and journey!

Signing Off - SmTownTexasGirl

Window Of God

Hi There!!!

This is on page 31

I received a e-mail from a very nice women named Cathy. She told me a story about her and her daughter.
She asked me to make it a story not just her telling me something about her life. I told her it was a great story and it brought tears to my eyes, and that I really would like to post her story. She explained that its not in a story setting. So I ask her how she felt in those moments what was the day like and ect. And I would try my best to capture her moments and put them into a story. She said that this was a blessing to see some small stories that I have written or put my life into detail. She said that she googled Devotional books daily reading. As she went through them and looked she came upon my blog. She stopped to read and kept on reading. What made her realize her story was important to share was in one of my blogs I made the comment no matter what they did to you God still loves them just as much as you. She said it was a easy decision to make on buying a devotional book she is buying "Seeds Of Hope" So Thank You Cathy!

Cathy's story is amazing and is truly a "God Wink" if you have not read this book its great full of short stories just like Cathy's and mine. Cathy asked that I find her a poem just for her or something that she can think of in her moments of grief. I told her I would and when she gets the book she can read everyday!


Seeds Of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation House - Only God's Window, in time can bring, The bud of a rose, as it blooms in the spring! Only the eyes of the heart can behold; The grace of HIS love, and ALL that it holds. For each sun must set, and each flower die; Here for a MOMENT, then lost from the eye! It's God's open window, I peer through each day; That allows me to see, His Love on display!


So Cathy this is for you and your daughter I hope I capture just what you wanted the story to sound like! Thank you for answering questions and reliving your memories to make this the best story it can be like you said this is for Kristen.

When my daughter was born, she brought so much happiness and hope to my husband and I. We loved every minute we had to spend. She was such a great baby, never fussed and just wanted attention and to have our love. From the time she was a little girl she loved Blue Jays. Everything had to be that Blue Jay blue and she was a must have girl that just "Mom can I please have that? See it has a Blue Jay on it!!" I would smile, and say will honey I guess. Where are you going to put it? Well, maybe Daddy can build me a big shelve to put all my Blue Jays on? I don't have anymore room. You are right maybe he can build that it would be nice. Kristen was our only child. We never had anymore. So some may think she is spoiled, but she was the only one to give anything to she got what the other brothers and sisters would have gotten if they were here. Her Father made her a shelve that took him forever to make it was the size of her room wall. She would take special care of her Blue Jays. She always took them on show and tell. She colored them, and just loved them. We lived in South Texas so you never see them that much. And when Kristen saw them. It was a must stop and look, pause and listen. Mom look! A Blue Jay! Did you see? Yes honey I did see the Blue Jay. We warned her since she was a child that Blue Jays might not be the nicest of the birds and to stay clear just in case, she was in there space.
Every year for Birthday or Christmas we would try to find her at least something with a Blue Jay or anything that had to do with it. As she got older it just turned into her hobby and really didn't obsessive over it. I brought her a pin to go on her shirt for the last day of school every year. But this year was special she was finally graduating High School. I told her, put it on your gown so we can see it. She said, Mom I will make sure then I am taking it to put it on my tassel so that it will stay there. I turned to look and said, Great Idea!! She walked across the stage and Her father and I were filled with Joy! As we got home and she went out for the after graduating parties I told her to be careful and that I love her so very very much! She kissed my cheek and left. A few days went by, and I asked her so are you ready for college? She said yes I am but there is something I have to tell you. What is it? I wondered, what has she done, is racing through my head. She stared up at me and said I am going to a different school not the one we discussed. I said Oh? really what are your thoughts and where? Well mom I chose this one because I have more friends going and it has a better Vet School for me there. I said Of course. Well you will need to talk to your father about that too. Because remember your scholar ship does pay for lots of it and we are not made of money. Well that's the catch, there are no dorms for me to stay in I will need a apartment. What do you think? I stopped to think, what in the world is she thinking! Umm, you will need to talk to your father I said calmly. After talking to her Father we left to go there to check out apartments of course we did. We got to the city and I told her your Father has put us on a budget. So we must pick in the budget! Got it? Yes Ma"am I got it! We looked and looked. Finally found a ok and nice one for the money. She said she loved it. But I just really didn't like the feel here. So I told her I would discuss this with her Father. We left and I got all the information on the place so that we could do the rest other the phone. After getting home we all sat down and spoke about the apartment. Her Dad let her know that it wasn't the best part of town and she would need to be careful. She said its not that bad! I promise I have friends that live close by. He said I know but becarful.
Well the day came to move her out. I told her she would have to take all her Blue Jays and laughed. No your room will be here waiting for you always. Her father loaded up the truck. Kristen! Yes she said in a tone of what now, Please be careful don't get into trouble. And pick your friends wisely. If you ever need us for anything we are here! She told me yes mother! Kristen and DON'T drink and drive! I will not Mother! Ok, did you get everything yes, I even got my tassel its in my rear mirror hanging there! Its going to college with me.
She left and had a great first month. It was late about 12:30 at night when the phone rang. Hello? I said. Yes is this Cathy? Yes it is How can I help you? This is the police department. Is your daughter named Kristen? Yes? What is wrong?? I said in a hurry. I am sorry to tell you this Cathy but your daughter has been killed tonight. WHAT?? I said with a scream! This is not funny! Who is this? Ma'am this is the Police Department. This is not a joke. Can you come down here? Yes! Yes! My husband and I will be there we live four hours away. But we will be there! What Happened??? I said with my heart racing so fast. I felt like I couldn't breathe that everything was all in slow motion and not real. She must have been on her way home. Another driver ran a red light and hit her on the driver side. She was killed upon impact. The other driver was very intoxicated. And is in custody. I sat in silence as the reality started to sat in. I asked where they were located and just hung up the phone. That drive was the most longest drive of my life. I think my husband really never said a word. We didn't even get ready we just got in the car and left. I prayed that she was ok and that God would take care of her. Even though they told me she was gone. As we arrived to the Police Department they told me to come with them and they will drive to identify the body. I said ok I will go and my husband still did not say a word. As I saw her and the pain she must have gone through. I had so much hate build up it was like a volcano ready to explode. I held it in the best I could and screamed and cred and left outside. The Police women ran and grabbed me and hugged me hard. She told me she has daughters and can't even imagine the pain in my heart with huge tears handed me a napkin. I took it and said, Yea but your only child?
We got back in the car and I looked at my husband what are you going to do? He looked back and said lets get a hotel for the rest of the night. The police officer said that would be a great idea. Lets find you a place to rest leave that to us. I said, that would be fine. And said is the person that killed her still alive? The police officer said yes. And we have him in custody and he is not going anyway. The Father looked at the officer and said, How old is He? Umm sir we really can't disclose any information right now. HOW OLD IS HE!!?? He said with a hurtful tone of distress. The women police officer said, 22 years old. No one said anything as we got back to the police station. They were kind enough to help us find a hotel and drive us there.
We got there and went in the hotel having nothing. One of my daughters friend called and talked with many tears and she stopped by the next morning with her parents which had the necessities that we needed to get up and clean up. I didn't talk nor my husband. I felt so numb like time had stopped and nothing was going on. Kristen's friend wanted to drive with me and asked her mother to drive us. We got in the car with Kristen's friend and mother. My husband road our car with Kristen's friends Dad. As we got home with another longest and tearful drive ever. I just asked everyone to go home and I really needed to talk to my husband alone, he hasn't really said a word. I was in the kitchen putting somethings up. I heard my husband upstairs in her room. I went up there and said what are you thinking? He said sharply Why didn't I pick a better side of town! We knew that was a party side of town! Where the kids stay because it close to the college and bars!! Saving money was not worth my daughters life!! I screamed stop yelling!! Its ok! We didn't know this was going to happen! ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! People drive drunk anywhere in town. Not just that side! I love you and we will make it through this! He walked out of her room and screamed with tears, HE WAS 22 YEARS OLD! And my daughter was not even 19 yet! She will NEVER get married, we will never have grandchildren I will never walk her down the aisle. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?? Its not going to be ok! I had a reality check at that moment and fell to my knees and cred. My husband ran and picked me up and hugged me and said he was sorry. His heart has never hurt so much then it does right now. We held each other and cred.
Our home church called and wanted to take care of the entire funeral. I said no thank you but they said please. You can pick out whatever you like and we will do the rest. If you have something in mind we will make sure it happens. The day came to say Goodbye to my daughter. It was the hardest day of my life. We arrived at the church. And to my surprise everything was blue. All the Sunday school children all colored her Blue Jay pictures. The flowers were all pretty blues and whites. They made it look like a garden. The preacher spoke about her, knowing her personal life and her child hood well. Then one of Kristen's friends stood up and gave a speak and how that night they were all studying and she said, that it was getting late and had a huge test in the morning and needed to get some rest. I said goodbye and never thought I would never see her again. It was sweet letting all the young adults know how precious life was. She walked down and pulled something out of her pocket with tears she said, You never left the last day without it! Congrats On Graduating to Heaven and put her tassel with the Blue Jay on it with her in her casket. I broke down, couldn't hold it in anymore. Why me Lord? Why my daughter?
It was a year later the day she pasted. I was sitting outside in our swing chair, the breeze was nice and the air smelled sweet. My mind was thinking about her and how I was this day last year knowing that I will never see her. I stopped and ask God. Do you even remember why? All I need is to know that she is safe and that you are taking care of her? I want to know that she went quick? I want to know that she felt no pain? I want to know why my heart hurts so bad? Do you even hear me Lord? I turned to look and on the bench next to me was a Blue Jay. He sat on the swing bench like that is where it was suppose to be. I looked thinking WOW! Look Mom! Do you see it! And silent tears started to fall. I didn't want to scare it away. The bird sat there like it felt safe with me. Like it knew I wouldn't hurt it. At least 15 minutes of no moving and the bird flew to her window seal and then flew off. I smiled with tears and told God thank you. The Blue Jay just reminded me of how safe it felt, the kindness and calmness it was with me. I know in my heart that God sent that Blue Jay to show me that he does care and does listen. And those sweet words of LOOK MOM! Do you see! Sweeped over me like it was yesterday. I did feel peace after that. Knowing that she is in a safe place and that she is peaceful and that she is ok now. I left the backyard and went to the front to grab the mail there was a letter addressed to Kristen's Parents. I opened it and it was from the parents of the boy that hit and killed Kristen they donated money for a sign to be put up right where she was killed.It says DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE in Memory of Kristen 1992-2008. I couldn't believe it. The letter was short and said this was the least we could do. Please forgive our son. I closed the letter and took it inside and left in on the counter. My husband saw it. He couldn't believe it. Wow, this is right by the site? Yes sir it is. Why did they do that. Because they must have felt it was necessary. Well it wasn't. His pain was still deep. I went to the next court date for the real trial. It took so long because there was another person in the car injured and killed. So it took awhile to get this boy behind bars. I was so ready! My husband and I wanted him in jail. As I walked down the hall to the court room. Was his mother sitting outside hugging her husband. First was oh how sad, good grief, your son is a murder. But for some reason and in that instance. I realized, she is a mother to and she lost him the same night I lost my daughter that he will never have a life or wife. His mother has had such grief as me. She stood up when she saw me. She came up to me. I know that you don't have to but will you please forgive this family and my son. I couldn't say anything but hug her and we cred together. I told her about her loosing her son and I loosing my daughter. She said that she is so sorry. And I said that it was ok! We pulled away to go in the court room and as she turned, her hair pin was a Blue Jay. I said I like your hair pin! She said its for your daughter. After the court, and her son was sentence to a very long time. We became the best of friends. If I would have judged her and never spoke I would have messed out on forgiveness and friendship. Now Once a year we go together and see the sign In Memory of Kristen 1992-2008. We both cry for the loss of our children on that night August 20, 2008.

Cathy your story was so heart touching. What a blessing you are to have. You are a strong and faithful women. That story truly blew me away! What a amazing God Wink! He tripled Winked at you and now you can help with forgiveness. If you can find the strengh to forgive and let God move then anyone can. I am honored to have you relate your story with something on my blog! I hope that God continues to bless you and your life. And for Kristen she would be so proud of you and the way you and your Husband handled everything. You are the kind of people we can get strengh from! So now you see where she related to my blog. I hope that "Seeds Of Hope" gives you none stop blessing from the Lord everyday!

So today when you feel like God isn't listening just give him time. But keep your eyes open for the answer. Life is precious tell the people you love most that you love them. Keep your time for the best times, and make the most you can. Don't hate, hold grudges, and be bitter. Let it go and make a friend in the process. Thank you Cathy for your story and God please bless Cathy, her Husband and Kristen.

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit

Your story reminded me of this song Casting Crowns - Who Am I
That God heard you and knows you and loves you. And that goes for everyone! Love this song!

signing off - SmTownTexasGirl

Slow Down And Take A Moment

Hi There!!

This is on page 94

I had a comment on my last post about Pros and Cons of influence. So sure I can Talk about that.

Definition of Influence - a power to affect persons or events, causing something without any direct or apparent effort

Ever thought about what you mean or what kind of person you are to someone. Who is watching you? I know everyone lives there own lives and you are accountable for yourself. But what if that person needs God, for example: a nice word, someone to lift there chin, or just a warm hug or a smile. Step back and take a look. Who are you?

Seeds Of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation House - Slow down and Take a moment -- remember, WHO, you are; You're just a human being, with a very HUMAN heart; Its a heart that sometimes hurts, and a heart that carries pain, A heart consumed by pressure, from unwanted stress and strain.

We are Human. When I step back over the years I look back and think about all the life's I have touched. And all the life's I most likely haven't touched. Or the times that I needed some better influence in my life. From the stories I have told you. Some were good and bad. No Matter what don't let yourself think that YOU are not a good person. Start over, look back what could you have changed to make the outcome a little better. Once you know that next time it might not be a good idea to yell and scream at them. Maybe next time I will turn and walk away. Yes easier said then done. Believe me OH how I know. Or if the tables are turned and you are the one being yelled and screamed at. Either you can defuse the situation or you can do the same "You win" have a nice life. See the thing is in the long run you will look back and know that your influence that day might have just changed the way they react to someone in the future.

We took a trip it was just my husband and I, we were listening to Eminem on a CD. I was sitting there thinking WOW... I use to listen to this music all the time. The things he says, the hurt in his raps. The anger this man has towards his life, mom and ex-wife were just crazy. And yes everyone knows how crazy he is. But for some reason when I listen I to feel his hurt and his pain. That I can't believe she did that to me! And sit back and think. His raps are just a testimony to his life. Even though they might be in a not so good way. One of the songs was about a "fan" the fan loved him, said you are the best in the world. He wrote and wrote him. He wanted everything to do with Emenim. While he never wrote the "fan" back he got anger and said look I can do what you sing about in your songs. Eminem would sing about locking his wife up killing her going crazy...... for example so the "fan" did just that by the end of the song the "fan" killed his pregnant wife and himself. Then he says to the "fan" don't do those things there just jokes. Its just talk I would never really do them. I think you need help. But it was to late. Wow... Influence can be a big deal. He influenced him in that song to idolize him so much and be his main influence that he did what Eminem did. Kinda scary.... Now that he has grown up and has children he is different he talks about rehab and how messed up he was and the things he did. And That he is sorry. The raps he sings now or more deep still have some words I would rather not say or use. But I do think that he is sorry. I know that he sees now that his daughters are more important and needs a stable life with there father. Wonder who is influence was to change him?

I always wonder what do my children really soak up when I talk to them. Is it good or bad? Just the other day, I was taking my son to sonic and he was in the backseat and he said, Mama? Yes baby? I said. Mom you know that memory thing we were talking about? I said yes. Well you said theres not a cure! But theres God! Can I pray for her? I said Yes that is perfect! Its funny how when he said mama whats wrong with her? She keeps asking over and over again. I said she has something called Alizmer Disease and it makes you lose your memory. He said can they fix it? I said not really baby, when you get older that happens sometimes. Its just harder to remember things. He took it as "child like faith" that well ummm mom you forgot. Which is so true! I did! So he pointed that out to me. But the thing is, it showed me that he listens to everything I say and watches everything I do. Whatever I do and say is his influence on his life. I want my influence to be great. I want to be remembered as that person anyone could talk to. The one that always had something nice to say. Not someone that made a easy path to HELL.

And I am not saying this to down anyone or church. Something that thing just keeps replaying in my head to this day. When I was young before all the craziness started. I remember going to church every Wed, Sat and Sun. Getting there loving it. Wanting to be involved in everything. When I said I can sing!! I went to the rehearsal and they said well we need a back up singer, like to try? I said Yes!! I would love to. Get up there and did that! Loved it! I was in the drama for the church everything imaginable. The thing is I went because I truly did love it. I remember going to get prayed over up at the front. The Pastor was up there praying over people and talking with them. I looked up and smiled as he walked up. He went right past me with this look. So I kept praying and then went to sit in my seat. I left church. The next night I was there. I went to talk to one of the leaders about having some hard choices in my life. Walked up and started to talk and the look in her face when I came up, I said do you have time to talk. She said, well yes but lets talk after church is it important? I said no its not. After church is fine. And I went and sat down. When church was over I left and went home. Went back to church the next time imagine that ha ha my mother would know it... if I wasn't there. I remember when I thought yay!! Its almost church time!! To when it changed.... You guys I have to go my mom will know if I am not there! Her friends will tell her. I felt guilt when I was there whatever it was I didn't like it. I went to the front when they called and The Pastor looked at me straight in the eye and walked off. I thought why does he talk to everyone else and never come and pray with me ever? I was little upset blew it off. And left church early to go out with friends. The next time I was there. The women came up to me and said wasn't there something you wanted to talk to me about? I said umm? No? Not really sure. She said oh ok! Just making sure. I had brought some "new" friends which I mean some that I was doing things I wasn't suppose to with. Really that my mother would have killed me. One of them said something that made me laugh. We were now just counting the hours to leave. When the Pastor walked over and said, Do you find something I said funny? I said no? Just sitting here listening and laughing at my friend. Then he stared at me with that look he would always give me. It always made me feel like I wasn't worth anything. That no one really cared if I was there. Why am I here anyways? And I asked him why do you look at me like that? He said nothing but the words just disappointing... And I got up and left the funny thing is the "new" friends were two rolls of teenagers that left. I was so angry. But I HAD to go. When I got back there. The Pastors daughter came and sat by me. I said HI! She said Hi! She sat and waited one of the other girls waved and she said can you move over please? I really want my friend here I said sure she moved with me and put her back against me. Wasn't nothing new all the favorite girls were really popular all seniors are! Or thats what I thought. He did a alter calling I went up there. When he was close to me I said, I am sorry for acting like that the other night just embarrassed. Then he did what he did best looked at me with that look and walked away. When he looked at me like that I can't tell you how it made me feel really, It is like slow motion of "Why are you here?" After that I got really bad into drugs and alchol. With my "new" friends. Now that I think about that it use to make me feel theres nothing for you here. I felt like God really never wanted me there. That I was not suppose to be there at all. I never went back in there again. That was the last time he would make me feel useless. Come to find out other people I knew said they felt the same way. Some girls and guys said you had to be in the popular group to be noticed. And some told me there story and there experience in that youth group. And it all kinda boiled to the same thing. We all felt useless and that we were not suppose to be there. I am not blaming that church for my mistakes in life. But in my heart I do feel like if someone or anyone would have been there for me to talk to it might have been alittle different maybe? The influence on my life at the time was so strong. The influence was to me that it really didn't matter no one cares about you here. And so I believed it and turned my back completely. And when you feel useless your heart turns cold and the hate level is strong. It it took forever for me to become soft again and remember what mercy is. One thing I have learned from all of that don't wait for someone to talk to you. Talk to God yourself! The thing is when you are young things will influence us in crazy ways to the point where it follows you. You gotta let it go and move on! Now I know that everyone needs to feel important that I know in my heart the lie that you and me are not important. So the influence on me might have turned bad but not in the long run. I will give you hope, and let you know how special you truly are that God does not think you are useless. That he loves you so very much! And if you stop to say HEY I have something to talk about want to talk to me for a sec? I will be all ears. What if that 10 min convo changes your whole life. And I stop the lies from coming into your life in the first place. See God is truth and he has people like you and me to spread it.

I heard a story the other day that I loved it!!

There was a man, he was a farmer his wife past away. And he stayed out at his farm alone. He decided one day that he would attend church. He knew his wife would want him to keep living and to be happy. So he thought that would be the perfect step to get his life back together. So he finished his morning arounds. Left his house and went a hour away to this church in town. He walked in to this beautiful church. He notice that everyone was dressed to impress. The women all had there Sunday hats on. The men were dress with nice pants and tyes. The children were little pink dresses and little blue bottoms. The church smelled like sweet roses. There would greeters by the entrance. As he walked through he notice some people staring at him. He stopped and thought hmm..... Went on in, as the greeter at the door said, How do you do today sir? First time here I see. Have a seat and enjoy. The man smiled and walked on passed. He sat down and listened to the preacher and sang some songs. At the end of the sermon he got up to leave and the preacher came by and said, Hi sir! How are you? The man stopped and said I am fine. He said well I had the committee come up and talk to me about you, and well we wanted to make sure you loved it here. That you got everything you needed. I also wanted to mention how you were dressed. The man looked at the preacher knowing he probably still had dirty hands and his clothes probably weren't the best in the world. He said sure what about them? The preacher looked and said, go home tonight and pray and ask God about your clothing in this church and how you should look when you come to this church. The man said, alright I will do that. The preacher said good! See you next Sunday. The man left, went home to his little farm and worked and prayed and prayed about his farm, his life and wife. But didn't forget to pray about what the preacher said. He got up took care of his duties on the farm. Then left for church. When he walked in. Everyone started staring, they watched him walk by. The preacher caught him by the entrance and took him back by his office and said well son, I thought I asked you to pray about what you should wear to this church? The man said I did. The preacher said, what did he say? The man said, He said, he doesn't know. What do you mean he doesn't know? The preacher said confused. The man said, He doesn't know because He has never been there....

You know that got'em for someone to say Yes, I did pray and he said that he has never been there.... What a wake up call. Instead of worrying about what his church wore or how big and beautiful it was the most important is God to be there. What do you think the influence of that preacher was on his people. Crazy huh? Just giving you something to think about. God doesn't care what you wear or if you don't look the best. The thing is this man just lost his wife and is taking care of a farm all by his self and still found the time to get over there trying to find that peace, loving presence of Jesus. And that church and preacher failed to give it to him. Scary to think that there are churches out there that are just like that.


So I didn't put pros and cons in a list but I hope that you understand what I am saying. Really the pros and cons on influence are Good and Evil. What role do you play not only in others but Your Own?

Seeds Of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation House - For, He's just waiting for the moment, when your heart will truly yield; To the suffering if emotions and the heartache that you FEEL! So slow down and take a moment -- Remember WHO, you are; Ans let God bring you comfort, to your tired and weary heart.

So today Slow Down and Take A Moment stop worrying about what you have done. Ask God to take that from you and throw it away! Start over be that influence that you know that you can be. When you find that you look back through the trash make that the moment that you laugh and say WOW! I have come so far from that! Remember someone could be watching you or someone might need that comfort from God, it might be as simple enough as sharing your story and where you came from. Or how you react to anything that happens. But if you fail pick up and try again. God will always love you. No one is perfect and will never be perfect until Jesus has come which is the perfect one. So think about Influence as Good vs Evil. Which one are you?


This song is by Chris Tomlin - Our God (just a song that might help get started)

Siging Off - SmTownTexasGirl

Its The Journey That Counts

Hi there!!

this is on page 89....

Sunday morning.. Pastor Todd was preaching about being pregnant with who we are in Christ, and letting "it" take over. Never thought of it that way "flesh" being your evil twin and "spirit" being the good twin. And letting your "spirit" lead. See what he was saying is once you are born again, doesn't mean that the "flesh" evil ever leaves. You have to take control of it. And let your "spirit" good be the leader "God" over you life now. Hmm.... what a way to look at that. Just before getting ready for church. Which might I say, I knew I was suppose to be there because of the issues I was having to get ready and the kids ready. It never fails that I am not tested in that little voice in my head saying.... Its getting to late don't worry about it catch it next time. Or, OH man, you have to much to do you are NEVER going to make it. So instead of giving in, I decide to go as fast as I could. Told the kids to hush it and lets get ready! Before all of that I was thinking what am I truly doing that would make me with God's Kingdom.. Unsure I did pray God... Hey how ya doing? Its me Robyn... Yes your favorite one. Just wondering Am I on the right track? That is consist in my head. All I heard is Stop being so hard on yourself. See you know its from God when you feel it from your heart. When you hear those words flow through your body back up in your mind. And when its not. My heart has a little shock, a unsure thought or what? Always remember God will never lie and his words are with a sweet touch and won't make you fall or a state of confusion. So when it is right in your spirit then you will know its the Fathers soft touch. I am sure everyone is different on how he speaks but he knows you very well and how to get your attention well. So Pastor Todd was preaching about knowing who you are as well. He said, Taking control. I have takin control on some hard things in my life that were damaging to let go of. But in the end made it worth while. The thing is I couldn't understand why I kept thinking about them or why there were still apart of my life. Evil twin is still there. Just like he said, Am driving to go out somewhere and look over and there he is looking at me and his reply was "Didn't even know I brought you along with me?" Wow... so true! Just like we are born into Evil, we are not told from our parents to "You better lie More" or "You Better steal again" We are taught Good. We are taught that its wrong and how to act RIGHT. Ok so I got that part. But why don't I have a dream? What am I suppose to do? Then he said, Don't always wait for someone to come along and say "SmTownTexasGirl what are you going to be well let me tell you." You have to go to the Father on a personal level and ask him to began to unfold your gifts and dreams that he has made you to be. Because if you do this then it is more personal to God, you know just what to say and how you truly feel about the subject or your heart. But before all that Sunday morning I was trying something out. Almost everyone that crossed my path I did ask them, Hows your day going? And they would say great! I would say awesome! Glad to hear. Hope its the best day ever for you! Or to a female let them know Wow! You are so pretty! And they would smile but honestly its those little things that sometimes help out the most. If if you were one of those people I ment what I said, each one of you had sometime different I told you, but they true is half of you guys I know. And I know what you probably needed for a pick me up. Get it..... it was personal, I knew you personally and I knew you background. But to those I didn't know I hope it made your day special as if you were good friends. Just like before I left work one day. We have a joke at work that I say.... WOW you are soooo GOOD at your job and wink. As I said this one of the co-workers in the back said, No YOU are good at your Job! And I was joking when I say that. I am serious you bring SO much Joy to this place! We couldn't work without you. I thought how super sweet! And thanks! So with that being said, I still am not completely straight about where I am going and what he has planned for me. But all I know it I kept thinking about my blog.... How how people respond or how they email and talk to me. Then I also remember people that have come to me all my life and say things or ask questions about God, or ask me the same questions that I ask God about myself. And I answer them and help them out. Then that sweet voice says...... Don't be so hard on yourself, Those words are for you to. Its not a coincidence that I cross paths with certain people. So I tryed to think about all the things and conversions I have had with different people. And its time for me to receive some of that glory to. And I do believe that I will make it. And I do believe that I have dream or plan for my life. So really its that personal touch that I can make with God.

Seeds Of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation House -

Its the Journey that counts, on life's rocky road; Its the pearls found within, that are being exposed. Its the passion and love, of exploring life's dream; And finding true meaning, in small minute things!
Its the vision to see, through the eyes of the heart; The REAL meaning to life, while looking through scars! Its the Journey That Counts, as life's race is run; Keeping eyes upon Jesus--until the battles are won!


So with that said. Its my Journey and my Scars that are getting me there. For me it is those small things that I see. Just like getting up to get to Church...receiving the message and taking it along with me. People talking about they see JOY and I had two people at church tell me we love your blog! Keep writing we love to read. That ment so much because like I said sitting in my seat at church knowing that it just might be that blog and then suddenly I realized its God's wisdom "Holy Spirit" that leads me and the heart I do have is for the broken and the LOVE that I share to relate. And that shoulder I give them to cry on, or that person that just listens to lead them to God. I am that person that LOVES to show you. I am that person that can feel your pain or see the heart cry. The whole reason I am that person is because thats what GOD made me to be. I use to always feel forgotten, over looked not IMPORTANT, and most off all hurt and broken. But I remember when the sang came out "Brandon Heath" Give me Your eyes. That song is perfect. Even though I felt Forgotten, over looked, not important, and broken and hurt. I have never stopped giving that out to help others. Thats where the soft voice said "Stop being so hard on yourself" You can believe it to that was for you." So when I hear that song I truly am singing it as a prayer that he will give me all those things and they truth is I think he already has........


Here is a email I received (if the persons name is in I will change "Females" to Sally and "Males" to Joe:

Dear SmTownTexasGirl,

I love reading your blog. The small stories leading to the punch is fantastic. Please keep writing. I would like to start with my Husband cheating on me to, but they had a child together. And my husband and I are trying to work things out and stay together. I feel that God has told me to work it out. That it was out of my husbands character. How do I truly except that other child. I love my husband and I know it was a mistake. But why is it that I can't seem to get past this hate and just let this other women in, knowing that I can trust my husband now?

Thank you - Sally

Well Sally.... first off Wow! To you what a strong women for letting him back in and trying to keep the family together! God will bless you for trusting him that this is the right thing to do! That is major props for you! The best thing I can tell you do to is keep trusting in the Lord. Listen with your heart. Really Sally you have to remember this is not the child's fault. And how hard it might be for you to greet him/her into you family with open arms. But also remember how hard it is going to be on that child growing up in a family that is alittle damaged. And the hate this child might grow up with, thinking his mother was just a fling and "You" are his fathers... love of his life. You knowing that there is a issues is wonderful because you can take it to a "Personal" level with Jesus. This other women is going to be in your life for at least 18 years and the child for I hope forever. So honestly I am telling you the right thing to do is to except that this has happened. If you can't except it then you haven't forgiven. And if you haven't forgiven it is just going to make you have a grudge against, The other women, the child and most importantly your Husband.....And if you can't trust your "Coach" then your team will be on a never ending losing streak. So Sally lets pray together right now. Repeat this if you like it before you go to bed or before you get up!

Jesus,
Its me Sally. I have been broken down for awhile now. You have seen my husband, and the things he has brought upon our family. Please continue to give me and my kids strengh to forgive. Help us learn to love. My trust has been broken. And I need you to renew my trust. I need new eyes to see my family. I need a extra big heart to love my family and for this new child that you have given us. Help me love him/her and help me show my Husband that I am here and ready for this Journey together. No matter what Jesus. Make me New again. Make this not a hard daily Journey but a Growing one. Hold my hand when the tears fall and give me the signs I need to keep going when the devil says I can't. And consistly reminds me of what he did! Hold my chin up when my heart starts to hurt. Wipe my tears and give me HOPE that every things going to be ok! With all my heart I believe that you are here with me now. And that you will never leave me alone. And last but not least thank you for giving me a merciful heart, and that I may remember your mercy and love for another for all the days of my life. Thank you God and I receive this!


Remember "Its the Journey That Counts" So today believe that you can do what he has asked you! And know that you may be in the rockiest time in your Journey but being alone is a false feeling God is always there. My Journey does count! And so does yours. Let him expose your pearls! And Keep your eyes on Jesus! Take that "Personal" touch with God! Talk to him pour out your heart! He already knows it, just ask him for it. His time is not our time, but his timing is perfect! Lets release gifting tonight!! And expose "Your" personal touch from Jesus.

If you would like to write me SmTownTexasGirl@yahoo.com

here is Brandon Heath Music Video I Love Love this song its great!






Signing Off - SmTownTexasGirl

Strength Within The Storm

Hi There!!


Definition of Mother/women - a woman who has given birth to a child, an inspiration.

Funny huh? How Fathers was so deeper and a mothers is giving birth or inspiration..... And people say God isn't real.... Hmm... Funny because I am using things are all around me to give out Hope to another. Anywoo... Thats another story. He is real and the bible already says these things.

Mothers, we are inspirational we love so unconditional. Even if your child was so bad and you couldn't believe it. You still love them no matter what. Love, I talked about that with Fathers how important it was. But mothers, LOVE is important to us. The thing is God made us so amazingly awesome. Not that we can't hate or that we might dislike something. Ex specially when someone messes with are kids! Then you think WOW! slow down MaMa bear... Take a deep breath. God made women to be partners to there Husbands. They are in charge and we join the team. We tend and take care of the home and kids. We teach our kids to love and honor by them watching you love and honor God and your Husband. My Mother always told me the greatest gift you can give your children is letting them know where you go, when you die. Yes! So with that statement you are showing them God and, How much you LOVE him!


We bring lots of things to the plate with softness and a caring ear and comparison. Men teach things alittle different. God made women to be delicate to obey to want that..... relationship with the man. Yes, mothers and women who doesn't want Romance? Ha Ha! So getting to my point of my blog today. We are important and I am going to start off with a little story that I heard on a miracle show along time ago and I have always thought about it in depths others probably haven't. I have a amazing memory. Its like a little sponge when I see something interesting or maybe even a life changing moment I hold on to it. Or even if it gave me some hope. Sometimes that can be good and sometimes that can be bad.

Bad..... How many memories do you keep that should more then likely be given to God? Can you count them? Ok... then thats to many!! Ha Ha!

Mothers and Women we are with our families with or without children. We have been made to be protected. Like it or not men are stronger and thats just how they were made. Have you been in that darkness with your husband/boyfriend that it seems that there is no way to run. You are stuck either because you are scared or because there is no possible way to get out(example) money or no where to go? Men that abuse women are not men at all... I have had several friends or people I have met along my little life time, that have either opened up or let me know because I might have been that shoulder to cry on. My first question is why are you still with them? I mean that is just my first thoughts? So I try to put myself in there shoes.... Verbal abuse is all I can relate to and I have forgiven several times. But Verbal or physical are both the same and yes you learn to forgive and try to forget even when you can't..... Its those memories.... We just have amazing ONES! Ha Ha! But in all seriousness so I can kinda relate. Maybe I am just the kind of person that would not let it get to the next level. And I have been cut off with that to. NO they will say, its not even like that one minute its your fat and ugly and the next minute you wake up with your head bleeding because you where slammed against the wall. WOW.... I am lost for words... I think the best thing I have probably even told anyone in those shoes would be RUN! and Don't LOOK BACK! And so they did. They got away from this person after all that she went through she finally had that person to give her that push to leave. Could you be that person? Or are you the person it is happening to while you read this?

Seeds of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation House - Tossed amidst the raging storm and waves upon the sea; Lost inside the waters--completely covering me! I cried,"Oh Lord, come help me" and He lifted me on high; He raised me up inside the storm, and gave me wings to fly.


Kinda like in Forrest Gump "Make me a Bird so I can fly far, far away. The little girl was scared and was getting abused and wanted God to come and get her! Why is that this is happening to women? Its not your fault I have heard many different stories to where the women were trying everything to be the mothers/wife/girlfriends to there men. Praying and asking God to make it better. To women saying or I let him have it. He yelled and I followed him around until he finally just Hit me. But it was my fault I need to stop yelling at him so much. Well... really its still not your fault. We all have our own self-control and you use it or you don't. There is no reason a man should hit or call you ugly names. The best advice I think I can give you coming from someone that has come to close to that would be I always tryed to defuse the situation. Or I got out of the line of fire, to make it not happen to the point of real damage. Meaning damage the kind that others can see. Thats when you remember hearing your mother say "Don't be unequally yoked."


2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

And that means Christians are not to yoke together with unbelievers. That doesn't mean that we are supposed to shut everyone out of our life that isn't a Christian, but it means that those closest to us should be of the same faith that we are. Example: Husbands/boyfriends and Wives/Girlfriends.

God Warned us for a reason. He is trying to protect you. Not saying this man isn't the man that you are suppose to be with or not suppose to be with. What I am saying is while you dare to dream and pray about you perfect family and whats life is going to be! Do you see no fruits or any other sign that they even know God? They might have just told you that. If you believe in that "perfect man" then you should believe in the NOT so perfect man. So what I am saying is You believe that God has someone for you... Then don't you think the devil knows to? He knows who you like and what you are looking for to? Ever thought about that?


Seeds Of Hope by Terese Holloway publsihed by Creation House - I find that I can trust Him, to come and calm the winds; When I feel I'm going under, with no hope to rise again! Yes, even in the roughest winds and waves upon the sea; He is MORE than able, to come and rescue me.

Ok I am going to get to the story but first. If you have had to pray that prayer... Just like I have. God if he isn't going to change get me out of here! Or please God protect me and the kids tonight, keep us safe from this NIGHTMARE. Then remember you are still breathing and those kids love you! And that NIGHTMARE could become so much worse. You could end of dead or one of those babies or even Your kids seeing Mommy defending herself and she killed Daddy... Shocking reality but it happens everyday. You are strong! We women are strong in our faith and we are strong in our motives. We can pick up and leave or start the day over like nothing happened so the kids have a wonderful day! Don't let anyone tell you that you are worth NOTHING! Because God made us so very special and we are all beautiful in his eyes. No one is ugly or fat or useless. So Now I will tell you what could happen in that Nightmare.

This was on some Tv program I was watching along time ago. I think it was called miracles around us.

There were some soon to be parents that wanted to adopt a child of any age. They just wanted a child so badly. Every child that was coming up for adoption, was for a "open" adoption and this couple did not want that. They wanted to have the child as there own and still let the kid know but knowing that one day everything was closed and the closeness of them with the child could not be broken. The adoption agency called and told them we have a child for you his name is Jose he is three years old almost four. The women was so happy! She jumped for joy as she called her husband and let him hear the news. They both went that night to check everything out thinking by the weekend they would have this small child in a new and safe environment. The agency told them that the child is healthily and will need a great home and they couldn't have thought of someone better. The soon to be parents were so excited. The women asked what he liked and what was his favorite colors? Looking at her husband letting him know he would need to take off work to help get his room done. The agency stopped them and said there is no thing. The child is a witness to a murder case and well need to be placed as soon as possible will you be willing to accept these rules? While the case has still not gone to court? The husband stared at his wife. Who was murdered? Why is he a witness? The agency said his mother. The soon to be mother grabbed her mouth and said NO! I can't believe this. How is the child? She said quickly to her husband, we must provide for this child he needs some comfort and love right now and many just God. The soon to be dad agreed. He asked do we know who did it? The agency said if it goes far enough then we will need the boy but as of right now fingers point to the Father. They signed the paper work and the child was to arrive at there home in two days. The soon to be mother was still excited but also very curious on how the child was going to react and what damage was done? They went and picked out blues and reds. Because thats what they boy was coloring with when the agency ask what was his favorite things todo and colors. They got the room done and went to pick up the child that morning when he arrived. Everyone in the family was back at the house ready for the new addition. They got there to see a little boy with big brown eyes, little fat cheeks and a little dirty shirt. She smiled and said thats him! As the parents walked up to the child. The greeted him and let them know there names and that they would be taking care of him now. The mother handed him a fire truck pillow and smiled. She asked him can I give you a hug? The boy turned away. The Father bent down and said so you like that firetruck? He looked very unsure and said, yes in his little voice. The Father smiled and said because that is what I am! I am a fireman! Pretty cool huh? The little boy said, My name is Jose. The parents smiled and said Well Hello Jose! The agency said great! Lets get inside and gets some stuff taken care of and so yall can be on your way. They left the agency and headed home letting Jose know that where he was going to be living and what to expect and if it is to much we will make everyone go home. But they said there are kids your age and we have a pool! The little boy glowed as the words pool came out of there mouth. The Father was driving and asked the little boy if he knew Jesus? The little boy said YES! The mother turned and said GOOD! She asked him you say this with such excitement! Did you goto church with your other family. The Father looked at her with a glare! and said under his breath we are not talking about the other family!! He little boy said Church no? In his little squeaky voice asked what church was? The Father said where you go to learn about Jesus! He smiled and said lets go there. The arrived at the home and had a great party the little boy was so sleepy. The mother got him ready for bed. She said Jose did you love your room? He said to much red.. Her heart went in shock! The first flash was blood... his mother. She said oh I am sorry Jose. Would you like another color? He didn't say anything looking at his tooth bush. She helped him brush his teeth took him downstairs and get a drink and looked at her husband..... The red we have got to get rid of it... I think it reminds him of blood. The Father said oh no! He told Jose that red makes him think about the BIG fire truck that he rides in. Jose did not say anything. So the Father left to get all new bed stuff to go in the room as fast as he could. When he arrived, his wife and new son were asleep on the couch he put some old sheets and comforter on the bed and put Jose in his new room. Got his wife up and she got the others washing he said WOW, we have alot to learn. She said its ok God has blessed us with a son lets not worry about his sheets in his room he is asleep. She turned the monitor on so she could hear just in case he was afraid. As the weeks went by they started getting closer. Jose did not have togo to trial the Father confused. One Sunday there were at church Jose was in his Sunday school class. A women brought out a picture on a board to do a story about Jesus. She said, Ok kids! This is moses and this is Jesus. Jose blurted out that is not Jesus. The teacher said, Why, yes Jose this is Jesus. He said very upset, No that is NOT Jesus! She said well no its not Jesus he is in heaven with his Father. This is just a picture of Jesus. Jose started crying no its not a picture of him! He was crying so much they had to call the parents to the room. They got there things and got home. Jose was still crying. The mother was holding him saying that is just a picture! Jesus is in heaven Jose you are right that is not Jesus she was just showing you a picture to tell you a story. He said, but pictures look like me in MY pictures. The Father said yes they do. Then why doesn't Jesus look like his picture? The Father said because that was a fake picture of Jesus to tell a story. Jose cryed and cryed. The parents didn't know what to do he had been with them four weeks now. The mother said let me take him up stairs and talk with him. The Father let them go up stairs and he went into the office right by the child's bedroom. The mother hugged Jose so tight and said, Why are you upset Jose? He had tears and said because that is not Jesus. She was thinking maybe because the child was Hispanic and maybe had him in his head differently. So she said, They were just using the picture to show Jesus in to the story to tell his stories from the bible. Moses was on there to and that is not his picture. Jose said with tears falling down. I have never seen Moses. She wiped his tears and said well one day we will see, Moses and Jesus! And you can tell him you stuck up for him that wasn't his picture! As she smiled thinking Jesus was smiling at her. Jose said I have seen Jesus! He said so loud and thats not his PICTURE! The Father got up and went to the door. The mother said You have? Well what happened? Jose said he gave me a big hug! And he doesn't look like that picture. The Father came through the door. Jose you have seen Jesus? And he hugged you! How cool is that! Your Mother and I haven't gotten to see Jesus face to face! How special are you! He started crying and put his head in his lap. The parents knew something was going on so they comforted him and made him realize that whatever happened he is special and no matter what he has a awesome life ahead of him. The Father left the next morning to work contacted the agency and asked about the murder case and if it is closed. Can they get the paperwork? She said well as his guardians you could go downtown and ask here is his case number. The Father said did they interview Jose? She said yes. He said were you there? She said, no it was a different case worker in a different district. He said ok. He left togo downtown a week later he was able to go get the paper work on the interview with Jose. Him and his wife sat down to read it while Jose was asleep. It was very shocking and made them upset about what they were asking him. Reminding themselves that the police just wanted to get the Father in jail. So instead of the whole investigation here is what it said . My Daddy was very mad at my mommy. My mommy told me to go hide. But I didn't go hide I was behind the couch. He was hitting my mommy and she was crying. He hits my mommy all the time. My mommy told my Daddy go away! I covered my ears and started rocking back and forth this is what he showed them. And said someone save me and my mommy. My Daddy was calling for me and I was scared, he hurts me. My mommy said NO. And Daddy just said I am bad. My mommy was screaming very loud. Joe didn't come over. (the neighbor)No one came to help my mommy and I was scared. A man came up to me! Help my mommy! He told me to SHH (with his finger on his mouth) and he hugged me. He said, no one can see you. You are hiding now. I was not scared anymore. My Daddy was yelling for me and he couldn't find me he said shh (with his finger on his mouth) no can see you. I was behind the couch. And my mommy was not talking. The man told me his name was Jesus and that my mommy was going to live with him. And that my daddy was not going to hurt me anymore. He said, that its almost over and then the police walked in and Jesus waved and left me with the police man and the police women put a blanket on my head on carried me out. I told them my mommy went to live with Jesus.


Wow..... pretty good story huh? I love that story. The boy called and Jesus came to save him. Jose didn't even know Jesus. He just called for help. And Jesus saved his life and to continue on. Unfortunately lots of child might not have made it. If you are in a bad relationship or have scars from abuse. Call to God ask him to show you the way. Ask him to save you to be that "Strength Within The Storm." That kind of abuse not only hurts the people around you but can kill you. And you have probably heard that before. But LISTEN now you know this get rid of the scars, get yourself out of that relationship save your life and either your future child or childrens life's now. Don't be "My mommy went to live with Jesus." when it is not your time. With all I have in my heart WOMEN stay safe tonight call out to Jesus or that friend to give you that push to freedom which leads you to Jesus...


Here is a music video by Eminem "Love the way you Lie" this is the clean version but being honest the words in the song are what make it so real and tragic. That when the hate starts its toxic and the lyrics say it all. As us women take them back and play like We Love the way it hurts and we Love there lies because its not going to stop just listen to the end of the song.... He talks about if she trys to leave he will just kill her. Its bural but it reality.





Hope you enjoyed Love everyone of you. If you have a story or would like me to talk about a topic or just have questions feel free to write me at SmTownTexasGirl@yahoo.com or just leave a comment I will leave it anonymous if you would like you have my word. Whatever you decide topic or questions I will talk about them or even find a poem togo with or a bible verse. Its what God gives me is what I will share with you! :)


Siging Off - SmTownTexasGirl