In The Silence Of The Moment

Hi There!!

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Had some e-mails that questioned "Then what happened??" one girl that emailed me said, I have had some of the personal experiences you have had. I felt so alone and never knew what to expect or how to change it. What was the biggest part of change for you? And Do you find yourself Successful and How did you get there? And if you could pick on girl from "Teen Mom" who would you relate to the most?

Well I am sorry you felt alone and no answers believe me I have been there. I would have to say the biggest part of change for me would have to be the moment I realized I could be and do what I wanted in life and be free about it. No more taking care of anyone but myself and child. Pretty much both emails go two and two. After I got out and went to live with my family. Which by the way part of the reason I am successful today. One morning when it made its self all clear. I stood in the mirror and said, Ya know am fat, pale, and plain hair and just ugly. After insulting myself for about a hour. I decided that's it! I wrote a letter that was addressed to myself. It said:

Dear SmTownTexasGirl,

I have made you unique, you are the only one of your kind. You make me smile, and laugh. I made your body just perfect. I made your face with these eyes that will light up a room and a smile that is never ending. I made you from my image. And to me you are beautiful and honestly Robyn that's all that matters. You may think that you have things you need to fix. But everyday I want you to read this to yourself and remember that you are not Fat, pale, plain, or ugly. You are my creation and you are the most prettiest Robyn of your kind that I have created. Have a AMAZING Day and remember that you are mine.

- Love,
Jesus

I called that my "Love Letter from Jesus" every morning I would get up and remind myself just how awesome I am. From all those years about verbal abuse that helped with my very poor self esteem. I decided that was enough. When I started to read it tears would fall and my hands always held my head. Then after time just some tears and I would move on. Then it was like I already knew no more tears I knew it was the truth. I realized that I started to believe it. I managed to take better care of myself and looks and felt great on the inside and was showing it on the outside. Even though it doesn't matter when someone says WOW you look great but it feels good to have that reminder that you do look great! I haven't had to read that letter in along time. But through all that time was just the beginning of letting go of the darkness in my life and letting the light shine in the places that needed it most. I know I person that went through a similar story with her X-husband. One day when she was talking to me she said, I got through most of it by putting on my mirror, "He left me when I was SICK." So she got to remind herself everyday that even with the Cancer and the medical issues that she would survive and not turn back to him for what he did and left her with. I heart always thinks about her and how well she is doing now.

Seeds Of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation House - In the Silence of the Moment, she could hear her heartbeat stop; It's as if all time were over-- with no more ticks up the clock. Reality was crashing in, and where was she to turn. How could she find the answers, if she refused to learn?

Even though I can say I moved on and I went to healing in my life there are always those "what if" moments that get you down. In many cases that would be mine. I have not always been mercy and tender. And well still have my don't catch me on the wrong side of the bed! But Now I know how to use them. I have to let God teach me mercy. And how to be tender. I had to really heal the inside of me to let it show on the outside. I had to let my heart be healed to be able to speak of Mercy and Tenderness. I always believed it for everyone else. I never believed it for me. I know lots of you can agree with that statement. As time went on. I did change. My looks definitely changed and my attitude was getting better and NOT bitter. My goal is to not hold grudges and to remember that we all fall short of the glory of God. Some of my darkest moments where how cruel and hateful and hard I was to myself. Its hard to realize how much you changed yourself by how mean you were to yourself. The things like, Don't get that you really don't need it. OR trying on a million clothes just to put back on your PJ's and going back to bed. Because all you can think about is how ugly you are. OR how you are just not good enough. After rebuilding who I was and how I feel about myself. I can say that I am successful. Success to me is how much I can achieve and that would include, My love for Jesus, my love for myself. The love for my family. How I put myself first for the first times that I needed it most. How I think God for every blessing in my life. How God pours out blessings. How God is just my answer and key point to being successful. To the world my success would be how many things I have. But if you look at the big picture its how blessed I am and its not about the things I have its about my relationship with God that matters in the end. All my riches are from God! (But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:19)

Here's a video that I love!! I saw this and thought "What a Great Idea to Make a Love Letter from God to you on Youtube."





I hope you enjoyed that video it was GREAT and spoke to my heart! Nothing from Jesus ever stops being so amazing I feel sometimes I can't get enough!

Seeds Of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation House - She never really felt the NEED, to turn her heart to Christ! But in the Silence Of The Moment, she bowed her heart in prayer; She gave her heart to Jesus, along with every sin and care! Suddenly her heart was filled, with an overwhelming peace, And she began to rise ABOVE, with extraordinary strength!

You see through all my life trials I feel like this one is the closet to my heart. This poem relates to me. I feel that when my head was down and the moments where quiet. I always seemed to stop and pray. I felt as if this was written for me. Or was it written for you?

All I know to say is that through everything I feel so successful. My life could or may be a "LifeTime" movie like people say but the truth is the only reason I share my story or help you with yours is to share it because I feel its important to help others find Jesus. All the people that I have help or just gave some encouraging to in there ways helped me realize who I was and HOW much I really do love Jesus. I was talking to my brother today. And we to have that when talking about Jesus with someone brings such excitement, or just hearing there story and being able to make there heart feel like there is some HOPE still. Sometimes I might not always have the answers or not know how to relate. But I will always try to stop, silence my mind and wait on the Lord. That's all I can do. With this being said if any of you have any questions about anything or just want some quick HOPE in your moment I am just a comment and e-mail away.

And to the question about "Teen Mom" and Yes I watch that show I have watched it from the beginning. Maci would have to be the one that I relate to most. Not because she has a son. But her and the heart ache of life and Bentley. I have such a big Heart for her and find things that we share. If I could I would love to meet her and just give her a big hug. Tell her that she is doing a great job! That way to go on all the success you are having and have a shoulder when she has tears. I see her pain and sometimes it reminds me that there are so many of you out there just needing someone to listen. Just like I did. So I thank you God for always listening.


With that being said I heard this song and its such a great song. Its by Katy Perry called "Firework" Sometimes we just need a little pick me up to start the day. This song should have been around on those days it seemed there was no purpose for me. Or NOTHING even mattered anymore. Here listen to it.




So Today when all feels lost. Remember that you are special and that YOU can do it! Try to right yourself a "Love Letter From God" and see what it says you might be really surprised what it is you really think about yourself when you have to reverse it. Just like the song said ignite that light! There is all a little Firework in all of us ready to explode! Just let YOURSELF Shine!

signing off - SmTownTexasGirl