Slow Down And Take A Moment

Hi There!!

This is on page 94

I had a comment on my last post about Pros and Cons of influence. So sure I can Talk about that.

Definition of Influence - a power to affect persons or events, causing something without any direct or apparent effort

Ever thought about what you mean or what kind of person you are to someone. Who is watching you? I know everyone lives there own lives and you are accountable for yourself. But what if that person needs God, for example: a nice word, someone to lift there chin, or just a warm hug or a smile. Step back and take a look. Who are you?

Seeds Of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation House - Slow down and Take a moment -- remember, WHO, you are; You're just a human being, with a very HUMAN heart; Its a heart that sometimes hurts, and a heart that carries pain, A heart consumed by pressure, from unwanted stress and strain.

We are Human. When I step back over the years I look back and think about all the life's I have touched. And all the life's I most likely haven't touched. Or the times that I needed some better influence in my life. From the stories I have told you. Some were good and bad. No Matter what don't let yourself think that YOU are not a good person. Start over, look back what could you have changed to make the outcome a little better. Once you know that next time it might not be a good idea to yell and scream at them. Maybe next time I will turn and walk away. Yes easier said then done. Believe me OH how I know. Or if the tables are turned and you are the one being yelled and screamed at. Either you can defuse the situation or you can do the same "You win" have a nice life. See the thing is in the long run you will look back and know that your influence that day might have just changed the way they react to someone in the future.

We took a trip it was just my husband and I, we were listening to Eminem on a CD. I was sitting there thinking WOW... I use to listen to this music all the time. The things he says, the hurt in his raps. The anger this man has towards his life, mom and ex-wife were just crazy. And yes everyone knows how crazy he is. But for some reason when I listen I to feel his hurt and his pain. That I can't believe she did that to me! And sit back and think. His raps are just a testimony to his life. Even though they might be in a not so good way. One of the songs was about a "fan" the fan loved him, said you are the best in the world. He wrote and wrote him. He wanted everything to do with Emenim. While he never wrote the "fan" back he got anger and said look I can do what you sing about in your songs. Eminem would sing about locking his wife up killing her going crazy...... for example so the "fan" did just that by the end of the song the "fan" killed his pregnant wife and himself. Then he says to the "fan" don't do those things there just jokes. Its just talk I would never really do them. I think you need help. But it was to late. Wow... Influence can be a big deal. He influenced him in that song to idolize him so much and be his main influence that he did what Eminem did. Kinda scary.... Now that he has grown up and has children he is different he talks about rehab and how messed up he was and the things he did. And That he is sorry. The raps he sings now or more deep still have some words I would rather not say or use. But I do think that he is sorry. I know that he sees now that his daughters are more important and needs a stable life with there father. Wonder who is influence was to change him?

I always wonder what do my children really soak up when I talk to them. Is it good or bad? Just the other day, I was taking my son to sonic and he was in the backseat and he said, Mama? Yes baby? I said. Mom you know that memory thing we were talking about? I said yes. Well you said theres not a cure! But theres God! Can I pray for her? I said Yes that is perfect! Its funny how when he said mama whats wrong with her? She keeps asking over and over again. I said she has something called Alizmer Disease and it makes you lose your memory. He said can they fix it? I said not really baby, when you get older that happens sometimes. Its just harder to remember things. He took it as "child like faith" that well ummm mom you forgot. Which is so true! I did! So he pointed that out to me. But the thing is, it showed me that he listens to everything I say and watches everything I do. Whatever I do and say is his influence on his life. I want my influence to be great. I want to be remembered as that person anyone could talk to. The one that always had something nice to say. Not someone that made a easy path to HELL.

And I am not saying this to down anyone or church. Something that thing just keeps replaying in my head to this day. When I was young before all the craziness started. I remember going to church every Wed, Sat and Sun. Getting there loving it. Wanting to be involved in everything. When I said I can sing!! I went to the rehearsal and they said well we need a back up singer, like to try? I said Yes!! I would love to. Get up there and did that! Loved it! I was in the drama for the church everything imaginable. The thing is I went because I truly did love it. I remember going to get prayed over up at the front. The Pastor was up there praying over people and talking with them. I looked up and smiled as he walked up. He went right past me with this look. So I kept praying and then went to sit in my seat. I left church. The next night I was there. I went to talk to one of the leaders about having some hard choices in my life. Walked up and started to talk and the look in her face when I came up, I said do you have time to talk. She said, well yes but lets talk after church is it important? I said no its not. After church is fine. And I went and sat down. When church was over I left and went home. Went back to church the next time imagine that ha ha my mother would know it... if I wasn't there. I remember when I thought yay!! Its almost church time!! To when it changed.... You guys I have to go my mom will know if I am not there! Her friends will tell her. I felt guilt when I was there whatever it was I didn't like it. I went to the front when they called and The Pastor looked at me straight in the eye and walked off. I thought why does he talk to everyone else and never come and pray with me ever? I was little upset blew it off. And left church early to go out with friends. The next time I was there. The women came up to me and said wasn't there something you wanted to talk to me about? I said umm? No? Not really sure. She said oh ok! Just making sure. I had brought some "new" friends which I mean some that I was doing things I wasn't suppose to with. Really that my mother would have killed me. One of them said something that made me laugh. We were now just counting the hours to leave. When the Pastor walked over and said, Do you find something I said funny? I said no? Just sitting here listening and laughing at my friend. Then he stared at me with that look he would always give me. It always made me feel like I wasn't worth anything. That no one really cared if I was there. Why am I here anyways? And I asked him why do you look at me like that? He said nothing but the words just disappointing... And I got up and left the funny thing is the "new" friends were two rolls of teenagers that left. I was so angry. But I HAD to go. When I got back there. The Pastors daughter came and sat by me. I said HI! She said Hi! She sat and waited one of the other girls waved and she said can you move over please? I really want my friend here I said sure she moved with me and put her back against me. Wasn't nothing new all the favorite girls were really popular all seniors are! Or thats what I thought. He did a alter calling I went up there. When he was close to me I said, I am sorry for acting like that the other night just embarrassed. Then he did what he did best looked at me with that look and walked away. When he looked at me like that I can't tell you how it made me feel really, It is like slow motion of "Why are you here?" After that I got really bad into drugs and alchol. With my "new" friends. Now that I think about that it use to make me feel theres nothing for you here. I felt like God really never wanted me there. That I was not suppose to be there at all. I never went back in there again. That was the last time he would make me feel useless. Come to find out other people I knew said they felt the same way. Some girls and guys said you had to be in the popular group to be noticed. And some told me there story and there experience in that youth group. And it all kinda boiled to the same thing. We all felt useless and that we were not suppose to be there. I am not blaming that church for my mistakes in life. But in my heart I do feel like if someone or anyone would have been there for me to talk to it might have been alittle different maybe? The influence on my life at the time was so strong. The influence was to me that it really didn't matter no one cares about you here. And so I believed it and turned my back completely. And when you feel useless your heart turns cold and the hate level is strong. It it took forever for me to become soft again and remember what mercy is. One thing I have learned from all of that don't wait for someone to talk to you. Talk to God yourself! The thing is when you are young things will influence us in crazy ways to the point where it follows you. You gotta let it go and move on! Now I know that everyone needs to feel important that I know in my heart the lie that you and me are not important. So the influence on me might have turned bad but not in the long run. I will give you hope, and let you know how special you truly are that God does not think you are useless. That he loves you so very much! And if you stop to say HEY I have something to talk about want to talk to me for a sec? I will be all ears. What if that 10 min convo changes your whole life. And I stop the lies from coming into your life in the first place. See God is truth and he has people like you and me to spread it.

I heard a story the other day that I loved it!!

There was a man, he was a farmer his wife past away. And he stayed out at his farm alone. He decided one day that he would attend church. He knew his wife would want him to keep living and to be happy. So he thought that would be the perfect step to get his life back together. So he finished his morning arounds. Left his house and went a hour away to this church in town. He walked in to this beautiful church. He notice that everyone was dressed to impress. The women all had there Sunday hats on. The men were dress with nice pants and tyes. The children were little pink dresses and little blue bottoms. The church smelled like sweet roses. There would greeters by the entrance. As he walked through he notice some people staring at him. He stopped and thought hmm..... Went on in, as the greeter at the door said, How do you do today sir? First time here I see. Have a seat and enjoy. The man smiled and walked on passed. He sat down and listened to the preacher and sang some songs. At the end of the sermon he got up to leave and the preacher came by and said, Hi sir! How are you? The man stopped and said I am fine. He said well I had the committee come up and talk to me about you, and well we wanted to make sure you loved it here. That you got everything you needed. I also wanted to mention how you were dressed. The man looked at the preacher knowing he probably still had dirty hands and his clothes probably weren't the best in the world. He said sure what about them? The preacher looked and said, go home tonight and pray and ask God about your clothing in this church and how you should look when you come to this church. The man said, alright I will do that. The preacher said good! See you next Sunday. The man left, went home to his little farm and worked and prayed and prayed about his farm, his life and wife. But didn't forget to pray about what the preacher said. He got up took care of his duties on the farm. Then left for church. When he walked in. Everyone started staring, they watched him walk by. The preacher caught him by the entrance and took him back by his office and said well son, I thought I asked you to pray about what you should wear to this church? The man said I did. The preacher said, what did he say? The man said, He said, he doesn't know. What do you mean he doesn't know? The preacher said confused. The man said, He doesn't know because He has never been there....

You know that got'em for someone to say Yes, I did pray and he said that he has never been there.... What a wake up call. Instead of worrying about what his church wore or how big and beautiful it was the most important is God to be there. What do you think the influence of that preacher was on his people. Crazy huh? Just giving you something to think about. God doesn't care what you wear or if you don't look the best. The thing is this man just lost his wife and is taking care of a farm all by his self and still found the time to get over there trying to find that peace, loving presence of Jesus. And that church and preacher failed to give it to him. Scary to think that there are churches out there that are just like that.


So I didn't put pros and cons in a list but I hope that you understand what I am saying. Really the pros and cons on influence are Good and Evil. What role do you play not only in others but Your Own?

Seeds Of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation House - For, He's just waiting for the moment, when your heart will truly yield; To the suffering if emotions and the heartache that you FEEL! So slow down and take a moment -- Remember WHO, you are; Ans let God bring you comfort, to your tired and weary heart.

So today Slow Down and Take A Moment stop worrying about what you have done. Ask God to take that from you and throw it away! Start over be that influence that you know that you can be. When you find that you look back through the trash make that the moment that you laugh and say WOW! I have come so far from that! Remember someone could be watching you or someone might need that comfort from God, it might be as simple enough as sharing your story and where you came from. Or how you react to anything that happens. But if you fail pick up and try again. God will always love you. No one is perfect and will never be perfect until Jesus has come which is the perfect one. So think about Influence as Good vs Evil. Which one are you?


This song is by Chris Tomlin - Our God (just a song that might help get started)

Siging Off - SmTownTexasGirl

Its The Journey That Counts

Hi there!!

this is on page 89....

Sunday morning.. Pastor Todd was preaching about being pregnant with who we are in Christ, and letting "it" take over. Never thought of it that way "flesh" being your evil twin and "spirit" being the good twin. And letting your "spirit" lead. See what he was saying is once you are born again, doesn't mean that the "flesh" evil ever leaves. You have to take control of it. And let your "spirit" good be the leader "God" over you life now. Hmm.... what a way to look at that. Just before getting ready for church. Which might I say, I knew I was suppose to be there because of the issues I was having to get ready and the kids ready. It never fails that I am not tested in that little voice in my head saying.... Its getting to late don't worry about it catch it next time. Or, OH man, you have to much to do you are NEVER going to make it. So instead of giving in, I decide to go as fast as I could. Told the kids to hush it and lets get ready! Before all of that I was thinking what am I truly doing that would make me with God's Kingdom.. Unsure I did pray God... Hey how ya doing? Its me Robyn... Yes your favorite one. Just wondering Am I on the right track? That is consist in my head. All I heard is Stop being so hard on yourself. See you know its from God when you feel it from your heart. When you hear those words flow through your body back up in your mind. And when its not. My heart has a little shock, a unsure thought or what? Always remember God will never lie and his words are with a sweet touch and won't make you fall or a state of confusion. So when it is right in your spirit then you will know its the Fathers soft touch. I am sure everyone is different on how he speaks but he knows you very well and how to get your attention well. So Pastor Todd was preaching about knowing who you are as well. He said, Taking control. I have takin control on some hard things in my life that were damaging to let go of. But in the end made it worth while. The thing is I couldn't understand why I kept thinking about them or why there were still apart of my life. Evil twin is still there. Just like he said, Am driving to go out somewhere and look over and there he is looking at me and his reply was "Didn't even know I brought you along with me?" Wow... so true! Just like we are born into Evil, we are not told from our parents to "You better lie More" or "You Better steal again" We are taught Good. We are taught that its wrong and how to act RIGHT. Ok so I got that part. But why don't I have a dream? What am I suppose to do? Then he said, Don't always wait for someone to come along and say "SmTownTexasGirl what are you going to be well let me tell you." You have to go to the Father on a personal level and ask him to began to unfold your gifts and dreams that he has made you to be. Because if you do this then it is more personal to God, you know just what to say and how you truly feel about the subject or your heart. But before all that Sunday morning I was trying something out. Almost everyone that crossed my path I did ask them, Hows your day going? And they would say great! I would say awesome! Glad to hear. Hope its the best day ever for you! Or to a female let them know Wow! You are so pretty! And they would smile but honestly its those little things that sometimes help out the most. If if you were one of those people I ment what I said, each one of you had sometime different I told you, but they true is half of you guys I know. And I know what you probably needed for a pick me up. Get it..... it was personal, I knew you personally and I knew you background. But to those I didn't know I hope it made your day special as if you were good friends. Just like before I left work one day. We have a joke at work that I say.... WOW you are soooo GOOD at your job and wink. As I said this one of the co-workers in the back said, No YOU are good at your Job! And I was joking when I say that. I am serious you bring SO much Joy to this place! We couldn't work without you. I thought how super sweet! And thanks! So with that being said, I still am not completely straight about where I am going and what he has planned for me. But all I know it I kept thinking about my blog.... How how people respond or how they email and talk to me. Then I also remember people that have come to me all my life and say things or ask questions about God, or ask me the same questions that I ask God about myself. And I answer them and help them out. Then that sweet voice says...... Don't be so hard on yourself, Those words are for you to. Its not a coincidence that I cross paths with certain people. So I tryed to think about all the things and conversions I have had with different people. And its time for me to receive some of that glory to. And I do believe that I will make it. And I do believe that I have dream or plan for my life. So really its that personal touch that I can make with God.

Seeds Of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation House -

Its the Journey that counts, on life's rocky road; Its the pearls found within, that are being exposed. Its the passion and love, of exploring life's dream; And finding true meaning, in small minute things!
Its the vision to see, through the eyes of the heart; The REAL meaning to life, while looking through scars! Its the Journey That Counts, as life's race is run; Keeping eyes upon Jesus--until the battles are won!


So with that said. Its my Journey and my Scars that are getting me there. For me it is those small things that I see. Just like getting up to get to Church...receiving the message and taking it along with me. People talking about they see JOY and I had two people at church tell me we love your blog! Keep writing we love to read. That ment so much because like I said sitting in my seat at church knowing that it just might be that blog and then suddenly I realized its God's wisdom "Holy Spirit" that leads me and the heart I do have is for the broken and the LOVE that I share to relate. And that shoulder I give them to cry on, or that person that just listens to lead them to God. I am that person that LOVES to show you. I am that person that can feel your pain or see the heart cry. The whole reason I am that person is because thats what GOD made me to be. I use to always feel forgotten, over looked not IMPORTANT, and most off all hurt and broken. But I remember when the sang came out "Brandon Heath" Give me Your eyes. That song is perfect. Even though I felt Forgotten, over looked, not important, and broken and hurt. I have never stopped giving that out to help others. Thats where the soft voice said "Stop being so hard on yourself" You can believe it to that was for you." So when I hear that song I truly am singing it as a prayer that he will give me all those things and they truth is I think he already has........


Here is a email I received (if the persons name is in I will change "Females" to Sally and "Males" to Joe:

Dear SmTownTexasGirl,

I love reading your blog. The small stories leading to the punch is fantastic. Please keep writing. I would like to start with my Husband cheating on me to, but they had a child together. And my husband and I are trying to work things out and stay together. I feel that God has told me to work it out. That it was out of my husbands character. How do I truly except that other child. I love my husband and I know it was a mistake. But why is it that I can't seem to get past this hate and just let this other women in, knowing that I can trust my husband now?

Thank you - Sally

Well Sally.... first off Wow! To you what a strong women for letting him back in and trying to keep the family together! God will bless you for trusting him that this is the right thing to do! That is major props for you! The best thing I can tell you do to is keep trusting in the Lord. Listen with your heart. Really Sally you have to remember this is not the child's fault. And how hard it might be for you to greet him/her into you family with open arms. But also remember how hard it is going to be on that child growing up in a family that is alittle damaged. And the hate this child might grow up with, thinking his mother was just a fling and "You" are his fathers... love of his life. You knowing that there is a issues is wonderful because you can take it to a "Personal" level with Jesus. This other women is going to be in your life for at least 18 years and the child for I hope forever. So honestly I am telling you the right thing to do is to except that this has happened. If you can't except it then you haven't forgiven. And if you haven't forgiven it is just going to make you have a grudge against, The other women, the child and most importantly your Husband.....And if you can't trust your "Coach" then your team will be on a never ending losing streak. So Sally lets pray together right now. Repeat this if you like it before you go to bed or before you get up!

Jesus,
Its me Sally. I have been broken down for awhile now. You have seen my husband, and the things he has brought upon our family. Please continue to give me and my kids strengh to forgive. Help us learn to love. My trust has been broken. And I need you to renew my trust. I need new eyes to see my family. I need a extra big heart to love my family and for this new child that you have given us. Help me love him/her and help me show my Husband that I am here and ready for this Journey together. No matter what Jesus. Make me New again. Make this not a hard daily Journey but a Growing one. Hold my hand when the tears fall and give me the signs I need to keep going when the devil says I can't. And consistly reminds me of what he did! Hold my chin up when my heart starts to hurt. Wipe my tears and give me HOPE that every things going to be ok! With all my heart I believe that you are here with me now. And that you will never leave me alone. And last but not least thank you for giving me a merciful heart, and that I may remember your mercy and love for another for all the days of my life. Thank you God and I receive this!


Remember "Its the Journey That Counts" So today believe that you can do what he has asked you! And know that you may be in the rockiest time in your Journey but being alone is a false feeling God is always there. My Journey does count! And so does yours. Let him expose your pearls! And Keep your eyes on Jesus! Take that "Personal" touch with God! Talk to him pour out your heart! He already knows it, just ask him for it. His time is not our time, but his timing is perfect! Lets release gifting tonight!! And expose "Your" personal touch from Jesus.

If you would like to write me SmTownTexasGirl@yahoo.com

here is Brandon Heath Music Video I Love Love this song its great!






Signing Off - SmTownTexasGirl

Strength Within The Storm

Hi There!!


Definition of Mother/women - a woman who has given birth to a child, an inspiration.

Funny huh? How Fathers was so deeper and a mothers is giving birth or inspiration..... And people say God isn't real.... Hmm... Funny because I am using things are all around me to give out Hope to another. Anywoo... Thats another story. He is real and the bible already says these things.

Mothers, we are inspirational we love so unconditional. Even if your child was so bad and you couldn't believe it. You still love them no matter what. Love, I talked about that with Fathers how important it was. But mothers, LOVE is important to us. The thing is God made us so amazingly awesome. Not that we can't hate or that we might dislike something. Ex specially when someone messes with are kids! Then you think WOW! slow down MaMa bear... Take a deep breath. God made women to be partners to there Husbands. They are in charge and we join the team. We tend and take care of the home and kids. We teach our kids to love and honor by them watching you love and honor God and your Husband. My Mother always told me the greatest gift you can give your children is letting them know where you go, when you die. Yes! So with that statement you are showing them God and, How much you LOVE him!


We bring lots of things to the plate with softness and a caring ear and comparison. Men teach things alittle different. God made women to be delicate to obey to want that..... relationship with the man. Yes, mothers and women who doesn't want Romance? Ha Ha! So getting to my point of my blog today. We are important and I am going to start off with a little story that I heard on a miracle show along time ago and I have always thought about it in depths others probably haven't. I have a amazing memory. Its like a little sponge when I see something interesting or maybe even a life changing moment I hold on to it. Or even if it gave me some hope. Sometimes that can be good and sometimes that can be bad.

Bad..... How many memories do you keep that should more then likely be given to God? Can you count them? Ok... then thats to many!! Ha Ha!

Mothers and Women we are with our families with or without children. We have been made to be protected. Like it or not men are stronger and thats just how they were made. Have you been in that darkness with your husband/boyfriend that it seems that there is no way to run. You are stuck either because you are scared or because there is no possible way to get out(example) money or no where to go? Men that abuse women are not men at all... I have had several friends or people I have met along my little life time, that have either opened up or let me know because I might have been that shoulder to cry on. My first question is why are you still with them? I mean that is just my first thoughts? So I try to put myself in there shoes.... Verbal abuse is all I can relate to and I have forgiven several times. But Verbal or physical are both the same and yes you learn to forgive and try to forget even when you can't..... Its those memories.... We just have amazing ONES! Ha Ha! But in all seriousness so I can kinda relate. Maybe I am just the kind of person that would not let it get to the next level. And I have been cut off with that to. NO they will say, its not even like that one minute its your fat and ugly and the next minute you wake up with your head bleeding because you where slammed against the wall. WOW.... I am lost for words... I think the best thing I have probably even told anyone in those shoes would be RUN! and Don't LOOK BACK! And so they did. They got away from this person after all that she went through she finally had that person to give her that push to leave. Could you be that person? Or are you the person it is happening to while you read this?

Seeds of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation House - Tossed amidst the raging storm and waves upon the sea; Lost inside the waters--completely covering me! I cried,"Oh Lord, come help me" and He lifted me on high; He raised me up inside the storm, and gave me wings to fly.


Kinda like in Forrest Gump "Make me a Bird so I can fly far, far away. The little girl was scared and was getting abused and wanted God to come and get her! Why is that this is happening to women? Its not your fault I have heard many different stories to where the women were trying everything to be the mothers/wife/girlfriends to there men. Praying and asking God to make it better. To women saying or I let him have it. He yelled and I followed him around until he finally just Hit me. But it was my fault I need to stop yelling at him so much. Well... really its still not your fault. We all have our own self-control and you use it or you don't. There is no reason a man should hit or call you ugly names. The best advice I think I can give you coming from someone that has come to close to that would be I always tryed to defuse the situation. Or I got out of the line of fire, to make it not happen to the point of real damage. Meaning damage the kind that others can see. Thats when you remember hearing your mother say "Don't be unequally yoked."


2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

And that means Christians are not to yoke together with unbelievers. That doesn't mean that we are supposed to shut everyone out of our life that isn't a Christian, but it means that those closest to us should be of the same faith that we are. Example: Husbands/boyfriends and Wives/Girlfriends.

God Warned us for a reason. He is trying to protect you. Not saying this man isn't the man that you are suppose to be with or not suppose to be with. What I am saying is while you dare to dream and pray about you perfect family and whats life is going to be! Do you see no fruits or any other sign that they even know God? They might have just told you that. If you believe in that "perfect man" then you should believe in the NOT so perfect man. So what I am saying is You believe that God has someone for you... Then don't you think the devil knows to? He knows who you like and what you are looking for to? Ever thought about that?


Seeds Of Hope by Terese Holloway publsihed by Creation House - I find that I can trust Him, to come and calm the winds; When I feel I'm going under, with no hope to rise again! Yes, even in the roughest winds and waves upon the sea; He is MORE than able, to come and rescue me.

Ok I am going to get to the story but first. If you have had to pray that prayer... Just like I have. God if he isn't going to change get me out of here! Or please God protect me and the kids tonight, keep us safe from this NIGHTMARE. Then remember you are still breathing and those kids love you! And that NIGHTMARE could become so much worse. You could end of dead or one of those babies or even Your kids seeing Mommy defending herself and she killed Daddy... Shocking reality but it happens everyday. You are strong! We women are strong in our faith and we are strong in our motives. We can pick up and leave or start the day over like nothing happened so the kids have a wonderful day! Don't let anyone tell you that you are worth NOTHING! Because God made us so very special and we are all beautiful in his eyes. No one is ugly or fat or useless. So Now I will tell you what could happen in that Nightmare.

This was on some Tv program I was watching along time ago. I think it was called miracles around us.

There were some soon to be parents that wanted to adopt a child of any age. They just wanted a child so badly. Every child that was coming up for adoption, was for a "open" adoption and this couple did not want that. They wanted to have the child as there own and still let the kid know but knowing that one day everything was closed and the closeness of them with the child could not be broken. The adoption agency called and told them we have a child for you his name is Jose he is three years old almost four. The women was so happy! She jumped for joy as she called her husband and let him hear the news. They both went that night to check everything out thinking by the weekend they would have this small child in a new and safe environment. The agency told them that the child is healthily and will need a great home and they couldn't have thought of someone better. The soon to be parents were so excited. The women asked what he liked and what was his favorite colors? Looking at her husband letting him know he would need to take off work to help get his room done. The agency stopped them and said there is no thing. The child is a witness to a murder case and well need to be placed as soon as possible will you be willing to accept these rules? While the case has still not gone to court? The husband stared at his wife. Who was murdered? Why is he a witness? The agency said his mother. The soon to be mother grabbed her mouth and said NO! I can't believe this. How is the child? She said quickly to her husband, we must provide for this child he needs some comfort and love right now and many just God. The soon to be dad agreed. He asked do we know who did it? The agency said if it goes far enough then we will need the boy but as of right now fingers point to the Father. They signed the paper work and the child was to arrive at there home in two days. The soon to be mother was still excited but also very curious on how the child was going to react and what damage was done? They went and picked out blues and reds. Because thats what they boy was coloring with when the agency ask what was his favorite things todo and colors. They got the room done and went to pick up the child that morning when he arrived. Everyone in the family was back at the house ready for the new addition. They got there to see a little boy with big brown eyes, little fat cheeks and a little dirty shirt. She smiled and said thats him! As the parents walked up to the child. The greeted him and let them know there names and that they would be taking care of him now. The mother handed him a fire truck pillow and smiled. She asked him can I give you a hug? The boy turned away. The Father bent down and said so you like that firetruck? He looked very unsure and said, yes in his little voice. The Father smiled and said because that is what I am! I am a fireman! Pretty cool huh? The little boy said, My name is Jose. The parents smiled and said Well Hello Jose! The agency said great! Lets get inside and gets some stuff taken care of and so yall can be on your way. They left the agency and headed home letting Jose know that where he was going to be living and what to expect and if it is to much we will make everyone go home. But they said there are kids your age and we have a pool! The little boy glowed as the words pool came out of there mouth. The Father was driving and asked the little boy if he knew Jesus? The little boy said YES! The mother turned and said GOOD! She asked him you say this with such excitement! Did you goto church with your other family. The Father looked at her with a glare! and said under his breath we are not talking about the other family!! He little boy said Church no? In his little squeaky voice asked what church was? The Father said where you go to learn about Jesus! He smiled and said lets go there. The arrived at the home and had a great party the little boy was so sleepy. The mother got him ready for bed. She said Jose did you love your room? He said to much red.. Her heart went in shock! The first flash was blood... his mother. She said oh I am sorry Jose. Would you like another color? He didn't say anything looking at his tooth bush. She helped him brush his teeth took him downstairs and get a drink and looked at her husband..... The red we have got to get rid of it... I think it reminds him of blood. The Father said oh no! He told Jose that red makes him think about the BIG fire truck that he rides in. Jose did not say anything. So the Father left to get all new bed stuff to go in the room as fast as he could. When he arrived, his wife and new son were asleep on the couch he put some old sheets and comforter on the bed and put Jose in his new room. Got his wife up and she got the others washing he said WOW, we have alot to learn. She said its ok God has blessed us with a son lets not worry about his sheets in his room he is asleep. She turned the monitor on so she could hear just in case he was afraid. As the weeks went by they started getting closer. Jose did not have togo to trial the Father confused. One Sunday there were at church Jose was in his Sunday school class. A women brought out a picture on a board to do a story about Jesus. She said, Ok kids! This is moses and this is Jesus. Jose blurted out that is not Jesus. The teacher said, Why, yes Jose this is Jesus. He said very upset, No that is NOT Jesus! She said well no its not Jesus he is in heaven with his Father. This is just a picture of Jesus. Jose started crying no its not a picture of him! He was crying so much they had to call the parents to the room. They got there things and got home. Jose was still crying. The mother was holding him saying that is just a picture! Jesus is in heaven Jose you are right that is not Jesus she was just showing you a picture to tell you a story. He said, but pictures look like me in MY pictures. The Father said yes they do. Then why doesn't Jesus look like his picture? The Father said because that was a fake picture of Jesus to tell a story. Jose cryed and cryed. The parents didn't know what to do he had been with them four weeks now. The mother said let me take him up stairs and talk with him. The Father let them go up stairs and he went into the office right by the child's bedroom. The mother hugged Jose so tight and said, Why are you upset Jose? He had tears and said because that is not Jesus. She was thinking maybe because the child was Hispanic and maybe had him in his head differently. So she said, They were just using the picture to show Jesus in to the story to tell his stories from the bible. Moses was on there to and that is not his picture. Jose said with tears falling down. I have never seen Moses. She wiped his tears and said well one day we will see, Moses and Jesus! And you can tell him you stuck up for him that wasn't his picture! As she smiled thinking Jesus was smiling at her. Jose said I have seen Jesus! He said so loud and thats not his PICTURE! The Father got up and went to the door. The mother said You have? Well what happened? Jose said he gave me a big hug! And he doesn't look like that picture. The Father came through the door. Jose you have seen Jesus? And he hugged you! How cool is that! Your Mother and I haven't gotten to see Jesus face to face! How special are you! He started crying and put his head in his lap. The parents knew something was going on so they comforted him and made him realize that whatever happened he is special and no matter what he has a awesome life ahead of him. The Father left the next morning to work contacted the agency and asked about the murder case and if it is closed. Can they get the paperwork? She said well as his guardians you could go downtown and ask here is his case number. The Father said did they interview Jose? She said yes. He said were you there? She said, no it was a different case worker in a different district. He said ok. He left togo downtown a week later he was able to go get the paper work on the interview with Jose. Him and his wife sat down to read it while Jose was asleep. It was very shocking and made them upset about what they were asking him. Reminding themselves that the police just wanted to get the Father in jail. So instead of the whole investigation here is what it said . My Daddy was very mad at my mommy. My mommy told me to go hide. But I didn't go hide I was behind the couch. He was hitting my mommy and she was crying. He hits my mommy all the time. My mommy told my Daddy go away! I covered my ears and started rocking back and forth this is what he showed them. And said someone save me and my mommy. My Daddy was calling for me and I was scared, he hurts me. My mommy said NO. And Daddy just said I am bad. My mommy was screaming very loud. Joe didn't come over. (the neighbor)No one came to help my mommy and I was scared. A man came up to me! Help my mommy! He told me to SHH (with his finger on his mouth) and he hugged me. He said, no one can see you. You are hiding now. I was not scared anymore. My Daddy was yelling for me and he couldn't find me he said shh (with his finger on his mouth) no can see you. I was behind the couch. And my mommy was not talking. The man told me his name was Jesus and that my mommy was going to live with him. And that my daddy was not going to hurt me anymore. He said, that its almost over and then the police walked in and Jesus waved and left me with the police man and the police women put a blanket on my head on carried me out. I told them my mommy went to live with Jesus.


Wow..... pretty good story huh? I love that story. The boy called and Jesus came to save him. Jose didn't even know Jesus. He just called for help. And Jesus saved his life and to continue on. Unfortunately lots of child might not have made it. If you are in a bad relationship or have scars from abuse. Call to God ask him to show you the way. Ask him to save you to be that "Strength Within The Storm." That kind of abuse not only hurts the people around you but can kill you. And you have probably heard that before. But LISTEN now you know this get rid of the scars, get yourself out of that relationship save your life and either your future child or childrens life's now. Don't be "My mommy went to live with Jesus." when it is not your time. With all I have in my heart WOMEN stay safe tonight call out to Jesus or that friend to give you that push to freedom which leads you to Jesus...


Here is a music video by Eminem "Love the way you Lie" this is the clean version but being honest the words in the song are what make it so real and tragic. That when the hate starts its toxic and the lyrics say it all. As us women take them back and play like We Love the way it hurts and we Love there lies because its not going to stop just listen to the end of the song.... He talks about if she trys to leave he will just kill her. Its bural but it reality.





Hope you enjoyed Love everyone of you. If you have a story or would like me to talk about a topic or just have questions feel free to write me at SmTownTexasGirl@yahoo.com or just leave a comment I will leave it anonymous if you would like you have my word. Whatever you decide topic or questions I will talk about them or even find a poem togo with or a bible verse. Its what God gives me is what I will share with you! :)


Siging Off - SmTownTexasGirl

Joy's Promise

Hi There!!

Start with page 370.

So you heard and probably read my blogs and live them with me. Either have gone through it or know someone that has.

I hope you are not tried of my stories... Because I felt like I was almost done... But more just keeps coming when I read a poem. And I have a good memory or bad memory. I relate to it because I was taught something from it. And God always brought Joy to my day or to that chapter of my life.

I had a class that the teacher gave a project to write a small scary book. It was only suppose to be two chapters long and so many pages. At the most he said. So I got home we had three weeks to complete this book. I worked and worked. Other kids were already starting to turn theres in way before me. I started think I have to get this done. But my book was getting super long. I told a western ghost story about some kids that stumbled on a old country western town. And finally finished it! 10 chapters and like almost 156 pages...later. If I can remember right. The teacher came up to me at the end of the week and ask me. Can I keep this for other classes I LOVE IT! I said sure. So did I make a A? He said you most certainly did! He told me it was awesome and intense. And had no idea I was going to write such a scary book. Before I left that day. Our student counselor came up to me with this teacher. And told me. Your teacher and I were talking about you today. I look at both of them think.... Oh my what? She smiled and said we were wondering for the rest of your writing class if you would right a journal for us? I said, What kind of journal? She said like a diary. You will turn it in to me of course. And no one will read it but me. Mr. Deason just wanted to let me know how good your story was and how interesting of a writer you might just be. I said ok? So... I am going to write about my day or what? Yes! write about your day or something that happened or right about anything you want to. Its all up to you. Ok, sure I said. Before I walked off she said. I have other kids doing this to. Just so you know. Really its to help get out stuff you really wouldn't. Your teacher seems to think that you have things lock away that you might want to put down on paper. Its a good way to express yourself and to put it on paper and out of your mind. Alright I can most definitely do that. So I followed her to her classroom and she handed me a pink spiral.

Seeds of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation House - Persistence in prayer, in the midst of it all; Through the darkness of night-- into the presence of God. Ever faithful is He, when my cries touch HIS ear; When I press through the pain, and to Him I draw near. Understanding the PRAISE, is my weapon to use; When my heart has been wounded, overwhelmed, and abused.


Pink is one of my favorite colors. I love it. I looked at that pink spiral and stared at the blue lines and the little pieces of paper coming of the spiral from the first page I ripped out. Look down at the unmade bed where the ball of spiral paper layed. All alone in my room, no TV on or music. Just alone. I grabbed a pencil because I didn't want to rip out anymore pages. So the counselor didn't think I was writing and hiding things. Ha Ha... really the first page I wrote was not very nice and it made me feel awful to even have wrote it down for someone else to see. So I just started writing about how my day started and what I wore to what I ate for lunch. When the baby was due, his name and his nursery was done in. Closed the spiral and went to bed alone. Went to school and turned in my spiral to the counselor. Went to class as always. Finished to leave. When she stoped me. Hey! come here, Is this all you are going to write for me? Is what color are you shoes today? Really? Maybe you are not understanding me. Why did you wear that color? Or those shoes. The babies room is done in Winnie the Pooh which is very cute. But why would you pick Winnie the Pooh? Do you see what I mean? Yes I do. I said under my breath. She said if you don't want to do this you can do a normal writing class. No! I will do this I just didn't understand you. So you want to know how does that make me feel? Or why am I not watching TV just sitting there? Yes! That is what I am talking about! I promise write it all down you will be surprised. Ok! Thank you. I hope I have a more exciting day for you. I said, as I walked off. I am tried I thought and I really might not feel like writing in a journal every night. UGH.... Got home got other things done. Went in my bedroom. Where I was alone. Reminding you I am married at this time 16 and pregnant. Alone again. Picked up my cell phone... No missed calls.. and no texts. Hmm.. almost ten o'clock picked up that pink spiral and a pencil and started writing......

Dear Journal:

No one is here. The room is quiet, there is no TV on. My alarm clock is set. My stuff is ready for the day. My stomach hurts. And my husband won't answer his phone. My closet light is on, but my feet are to swollen to even get up to turn it off. Guess I will go to sleep with it on. Just got a text but from a friend at school wanting to know if they can get a ride to school. But no husband. I heard my parents in the living room turn off the lights to go to bed. I have this disco ball that is turning and it makes the room look like it spins and will never stop. There is a new item in my room for the baby! Little blue sheets with little Winnie The Pooh's on it. That my dad put together. I just tryed to call my husband but no answer? Wonder why am I the one to sit at home! Why do I have to finish school! Why can't I go out! But when I tell this to my mom. She just says you can't you are more responsible then that. Take care of yourself and that baby. AND FINISH SCHOOL! So I get the rewards of being alone. In my room with nothing to do. Just tryed one more time to call him. Its almost eleven o'clock now. He probably won't come home until three. I know that I need to finish school for my son and for myself. So I get up to go. And you wanna know how that makes me feel? It makes me mad! To smile at people and just want everyone to leave me alone. Being the only girl in the school getting married and everyone is like well atleast he stayed with you. Really wanted to say something like you have no idea! It makes me sick to feel alone. It makes my eyes hurt they burn every morning because I cry so hard. No one hears me because I dig my face in the pillow and scream! Really.... No one even knows me. And thats ok with me. I will be fine. and thats just how I will be and so on and so on. The night before I was crying when he came home. I said You are home! Like a sad little puppy and he said will you please stop crying it annoys me. So I layed back down and didn't look at him. He told me I need to stop with this little kid stuff and grow up! You are about to be a mother and act like a 12 year old! If I see you crying again I will leave and decide when I will come back until you learn how you are making me feel like this is my fault! I have a life to and stop making it all about you. So of course I will listen why would I want him to leave. That makes me feel dumb for crying so I will not do it again, he is right I am acting like a child he works all day. And I just goto school. So really I am glad he is still around and thats how my day was I better goto sleep and stop crying before he gets home. Do you think God hears me anymore? Cause I am not sure?

Always and Forever------ Me


Seeds Of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation House - Finding my warfare, becomes strong when I praise; For my worship is worthy in HIS Holy Place. His presence is drawn to the depths of my soul; When I run from my SELF and I head to his throne. So, I'll stand in my nightmare and know who HE is; I will take every problem and I'll make them HIS!

That was pretty much what the first page said. It was along time ago. The counselor read it and got me out of my end class to come with her. She said WOW..... I read your first page. I said that is my second. She said, No that is your first. The one you turned in before was not like this one. I said I know because I misunderstood you. She said no you didn't. You didn't want to tell me. She started to tell me alittle about herself and how she feels like we had alot in common. She told me how important it is to keep writing she said its like a RELEASE. You will probably forget alot of things that happen just because you wrote it down. And there is something about letting it go on paper. She also told me that what I wrote about be a kid and the things he told me were not true. He was blaming me because he felt bad. And she showed me how he was doing that. Over time she did, I was hard headed and had a awful self esteem. I wrote three spirals for her. I learned how controlling he was from me reading them. I remember just were I hid these. So when I left I burned them. To never remember anything about that character of my life again. I do remember the first night I wrote the spirals. And how many how I was so angry and how everything was wrong and it was my first time to let anyone outside of my little life know what was happening. And honestly I really don't remember everything I wrote. All I remember is writing in those every night. How much I did cry and how I started figuring things out. The answers because my journals started turning into WHY GOD? or God can you help me tonight? Will you keep me safe and the baby from harm and stress. I remember peace in my words and how I was learning to LET GO. Even though it was a NIGHTMARE in my life! I never forgot about God! And I learned a life tool which was to RELEASE. To LET GO.

So I feel like thats why I do enjoy writing my blog. Its like my own personal diary for just me to express my thoughts on. I realized today that the stuff I have been writing about I never really got HEALING from. Sure I asked God to help me but I really never expressed some thing in the right way. Like now I know that its ok to talk about it. Its was part of my life. And the devil is not going to steal that from me. Its called my testimony. And I am willing to no longer hide and just might write it all down until God says here is what you need to SEE.... This happened because you are going here. Or that was part of your consequences but I learned if I do it right... There is always rewards from him to! So here is to my husband now my one true love! You are my knight and I love you with all my heart! Now you know why I might not cry in front of you or have a hard to expressing myself. Its not that I don't want to its because I had some scars. And I see that now. I want to be able to express or tell you how I feel. I was beaten down so long in my younger years that I thought that was how I was suppose to act. I was not suppose to cry and I was not suppose share anything. So for all those years of build up and secrets GOODBYE. I have written you down and I release you to God. Because like the poem says I'll make them HIS.

So long story short ha ha! Today Go and see if you write down just how you feel what will happen. Or start a paper with This is why I feel like this today. You might be SURPRISED just what it said. And remember its time to RELEASE it. Let God have it hand it over and say I have written this down for you God. Maybe even start off with Dear God..... He will never forsake me. He showed me today that quick glipse about writing that journal even though it seems like I can't remember everything but that first day and really how there was healing in what I was doing Its were it really started Where the "Healing Begins". So Thank you God for pointing that out to me and showing me.... And you answered my question...... There is still some things that need release... And there is still a story..... Tomorrow question.... What are you going to show me today Lord I am ready?!


Signing off - SmTownTexasGirl

Therefore my heart is glad and my glory [my inner self] rejoices; my body too shall rest and confidently dwell in safety. Psalm 16: 9



Another Great Song that is amazing it goes with my story its what helped me write this blog today! Its just how I felt in that character of my life.

Healing Begins: Music Video