Window Of God

Hi There!!!

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I received a e-mail from a very nice women named Cathy. She told me a story about her and her daughter.
She asked me to make it a story not just her telling me something about her life. I told her it was a great story and it brought tears to my eyes, and that I really would like to post her story. She explained that its not in a story setting. So I ask her how she felt in those moments what was the day like and ect. And I would try my best to capture her moments and put them into a story. She said that this was a blessing to see some small stories that I have written or put my life into detail. She said that she googled Devotional books daily reading. As she went through them and looked she came upon my blog. She stopped to read and kept on reading. What made her realize her story was important to share was in one of my blogs I made the comment no matter what they did to you God still loves them just as much as you. She said it was a easy decision to make on buying a devotional book she is buying "Seeds Of Hope" So Thank You Cathy!

Cathy's story is amazing and is truly a "God Wink" if you have not read this book its great full of short stories just like Cathy's and mine. Cathy asked that I find her a poem just for her or something that she can think of in her moments of grief. I told her I would and when she gets the book she can read everyday!


Seeds Of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation House - Only God's Window, in time can bring, The bud of a rose, as it blooms in the spring! Only the eyes of the heart can behold; The grace of HIS love, and ALL that it holds. For each sun must set, and each flower die; Here for a MOMENT, then lost from the eye! It's God's open window, I peer through each day; That allows me to see, His Love on display!


So Cathy this is for you and your daughter I hope I capture just what you wanted the story to sound like! Thank you for answering questions and reliving your memories to make this the best story it can be like you said this is for Kristen.

When my daughter was born, she brought so much happiness and hope to my husband and I. We loved every minute we had to spend. She was such a great baby, never fussed and just wanted attention and to have our love. From the time she was a little girl she loved Blue Jays. Everything had to be that Blue Jay blue and she was a must have girl that just "Mom can I please have that? See it has a Blue Jay on it!!" I would smile, and say will honey I guess. Where are you going to put it? Well, maybe Daddy can build me a big shelve to put all my Blue Jays on? I don't have anymore room. You are right maybe he can build that it would be nice. Kristen was our only child. We never had anymore. So some may think she is spoiled, but she was the only one to give anything to she got what the other brothers and sisters would have gotten if they were here. Her Father made her a shelve that took him forever to make it was the size of her room wall. She would take special care of her Blue Jays. She always took them on show and tell. She colored them, and just loved them. We lived in South Texas so you never see them that much. And when Kristen saw them. It was a must stop and look, pause and listen. Mom look! A Blue Jay! Did you see? Yes honey I did see the Blue Jay. We warned her since she was a child that Blue Jays might not be the nicest of the birds and to stay clear just in case, she was in there space.
Every year for Birthday or Christmas we would try to find her at least something with a Blue Jay or anything that had to do with it. As she got older it just turned into her hobby and really didn't obsessive over it. I brought her a pin to go on her shirt for the last day of school every year. But this year was special she was finally graduating High School. I told her, put it on your gown so we can see it. She said, Mom I will make sure then I am taking it to put it on my tassel so that it will stay there. I turned to look and said, Great Idea!! She walked across the stage and Her father and I were filled with Joy! As we got home and she went out for the after graduating parties I told her to be careful and that I love her so very very much! She kissed my cheek and left. A few days went by, and I asked her so are you ready for college? She said yes I am but there is something I have to tell you. What is it? I wondered, what has she done, is racing through my head. She stared up at me and said I am going to a different school not the one we discussed. I said Oh? really what are your thoughts and where? Well mom I chose this one because I have more friends going and it has a better Vet School for me there. I said Of course. Well you will need to talk to your father about that too. Because remember your scholar ship does pay for lots of it and we are not made of money. Well that's the catch, there are no dorms for me to stay in I will need a apartment. What do you think? I stopped to think, what in the world is she thinking! Umm, you will need to talk to your father I said calmly. After talking to her Father we left to go there to check out apartments of course we did. We got to the city and I told her your Father has put us on a budget. So we must pick in the budget! Got it? Yes Ma"am I got it! We looked and looked. Finally found a ok and nice one for the money. She said she loved it. But I just really didn't like the feel here. So I told her I would discuss this with her Father. We left and I got all the information on the place so that we could do the rest other the phone. After getting home we all sat down and spoke about the apartment. Her Dad let her know that it wasn't the best part of town and she would need to be careful. She said its not that bad! I promise I have friends that live close by. He said I know but becarful.
Well the day came to move her out. I told her she would have to take all her Blue Jays and laughed. No your room will be here waiting for you always. Her father loaded up the truck. Kristen! Yes she said in a tone of what now, Please be careful don't get into trouble. And pick your friends wisely. If you ever need us for anything we are here! She told me yes mother! Kristen and DON'T drink and drive! I will not Mother! Ok, did you get everything yes, I even got my tassel its in my rear mirror hanging there! Its going to college with me.
She left and had a great first month. It was late about 12:30 at night when the phone rang. Hello? I said. Yes is this Cathy? Yes it is How can I help you? This is the police department. Is your daughter named Kristen? Yes? What is wrong?? I said in a hurry. I am sorry to tell you this Cathy but your daughter has been killed tonight. WHAT?? I said with a scream! This is not funny! Who is this? Ma'am this is the Police Department. This is not a joke. Can you come down here? Yes! Yes! My husband and I will be there we live four hours away. But we will be there! What Happened??? I said with my heart racing so fast. I felt like I couldn't breathe that everything was all in slow motion and not real. She must have been on her way home. Another driver ran a red light and hit her on the driver side. She was killed upon impact. The other driver was very intoxicated. And is in custody. I sat in silence as the reality started to sat in. I asked where they were located and just hung up the phone. That drive was the most longest drive of my life. I think my husband really never said a word. We didn't even get ready we just got in the car and left. I prayed that she was ok and that God would take care of her. Even though they told me she was gone. As we arrived to the Police Department they told me to come with them and they will drive to identify the body. I said ok I will go and my husband still did not say a word. As I saw her and the pain she must have gone through. I had so much hate build up it was like a volcano ready to explode. I held it in the best I could and screamed and cred and left outside. The Police women ran and grabbed me and hugged me hard. She told me she has daughters and can't even imagine the pain in my heart with huge tears handed me a napkin. I took it and said, Yea but your only child?
We got back in the car and I looked at my husband what are you going to do? He looked back and said lets get a hotel for the rest of the night. The police officer said that would be a great idea. Lets find you a place to rest leave that to us. I said, that would be fine. And said is the person that killed her still alive? The police officer said yes. And we have him in custody and he is not going anyway. The Father looked at the officer and said, How old is He? Umm sir we really can't disclose any information right now. HOW OLD IS HE!!?? He said with a hurtful tone of distress. The women police officer said, 22 years old. No one said anything as we got back to the police station. They were kind enough to help us find a hotel and drive us there.
We got there and went in the hotel having nothing. One of my daughters friend called and talked with many tears and she stopped by the next morning with her parents which had the necessities that we needed to get up and clean up. I didn't talk nor my husband. I felt so numb like time had stopped and nothing was going on. Kristen's friend wanted to drive with me and asked her mother to drive us. We got in the car with Kristen's friend and mother. My husband road our car with Kristen's friends Dad. As we got home with another longest and tearful drive ever. I just asked everyone to go home and I really needed to talk to my husband alone, he hasn't really said a word. I was in the kitchen putting somethings up. I heard my husband upstairs in her room. I went up there and said what are you thinking? He said sharply Why didn't I pick a better side of town! We knew that was a party side of town! Where the kids stay because it close to the college and bars!! Saving money was not worth my daughters life!! I screamed stop yelling!! Its ok! We didn't know this was going to happen! ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! People drive drunk anywhere in town. Not just that side! I love you and we will make it through this! He walked out of her room and screamed with tears, HE WAS 22 YEARS OLD! And my daughter was not even 19 yet! She will NEVER get married, we will never have grandchildren I will never walk her down the aisle. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?? Its not going to be ok! I had a reality check at that moment and fell to my knees and cred. My husband ran and picked me up and hugged me and said he was sorry. His heart has never hurt so much then it does right now. We held each other and cred.
Our home church called and wanted to take care of the entire funeral. I said no thank you but they said please. You can pick out whatever you like and we will do the rest. If you have something in mind we will make sure it happens. The day came to say Goodbye to my daughter. It was the hardest day of my life. We arrived at the church. And to my surprise everything was blue. All the Sunday school children all colored her Blue Jay pictures. The flowers were all pretty blues and whites. They made it look like a garden. The preacher spoke about her, knowing her personal life and her child hood well. Then one of Kristen's friends stood up and gave a speak and how that night they were all studying and she said, that it was getting late and had a huge test in the morning and needed to get some rest. I said goodbye and never thought I would never see her again. It was sweet letting all the young adults know how precious life was. She walked down and pulled something out of her pocket with tears she said, You never left the last day without it! Congrats On Graduating to Heaven and put her tassel with the Blue Jay on it with her in her casket. I broke down, couldn't hold it in anymore. Why me Lord? Why my daughter?
It was a year later the day she pasted. I was sitting outside in our swing chair, the breeze was nice and the air smelled sweet. My mind was thinking about her and how I was this day last year knowing that I will never see her. I stopped and ask God. Do you even remember why? All I need is to know that she is safe and that you are taking care of her? I want to know that she went quick? I want to know that she felt no pain? I want to know why my heart hurts so bad? Do you even hear me Lord? I turned to look and on the bench next to me was a Blue Jay. He sat on the swing bench like that is where it was suppose to be. I looked thinking WOW! Look Mom! Do you see it! And silent tears started to fall. I didn't want to scare it away. The bird sat there like it felt safe with me. Like it knew I wouldn't hurt it. At least 15 minutes of no moving and the bird flew to her window seal and then flew off. I smiled with tears and told God thank you. The Blue Jay just reminded me of how safe it felt, the kindness and calmness it was with me. I know in my heart that God sent that Blue Jay to show me that he does care and does listen. And those sweet words of LOOK MOM! Do you see! Sweeped over me like it was yesterday. I did feel peace after that. Knowing that she is in a safe place and that she is peaceful and that she is ok now. I left the backyard and went to the front to grab the mail there was a letter addressed to Kristen's Parents. I opened it and it was from the parents of the boy that hit and killed Kristen they donated money for a sign to be put up right where she was killed.It says DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE in Memory of Kristen 1992-2008. I couldn't believe it. The letter was short and said this was the least we could do. Please forgive our son. I closed the letter and took it inside and left in on the counter. My husband saw it. He couldn't believe it. Wow, this is right by the site? Yes sir it is. Why did they do that. Because they must have felt it was necessary. Well it wasn't. His pain was still deep. I went to the next court date for the real trial. It took so long because there was another person in the car injured and killed. So it took awhile to get this boy behind bars. I was so ready! My husband and I wanted him in jail. As I walked down the hall to the court room. Was his mother sitting outside hugging her husband. First was oh how sad, good grief, your son is a murder. But for some reason and in that instance. I realized, she is a mother to and she lost him the same night I lost my daughter that he will never have a life or wife. His mother has had such grief as me. She stood up when she saw me. She came up to me. I know that you don't have to but will you please forgive this family and my son. I couldn't say anything but hug her and we cred together. I told her about her loosing her son and I loosing my daughter. She said that she is so sorry. And I said that it was ok! We pulled away to go in the court room and as she turned, her hair pin was a Blue Jay. I said I like your hair pin! She said its for your daughter. After the court, and her son was sentence to a very long time. We became the best of friends. If I would have judged her and never spoke I would have messed out on forgiveness and friendship. Now Once a year we go together and see the sign In Memory of Kristen 1992-2008. We both cry for the loss of our children on that night August 20, 2008.

Cathy your story was so heart touching. What a blessing you are to have. You are a strong and faithful women. That story truly blew me away! What a amazing God Wink! He tripled Winked at you and now you can help with forgiveness. If you can find the strengh to forgive and let God move then anyone can. I am honored to have you relate your story with something on my blog! I hope that God continues to bless you and your life. And for Kristen she would be so proud of you and the way you and your Husband handled everything. You are the kind of people we can get strengh from! So now you see where she related to my blog. I hope that "Seeds Of Hope" gives you none stop blessing from the Lord everyday!

So today when you feel like God isn't listening just give him time. But keep your eyes open for the answer. Life is precious tell the people you love most that you love them. Keep your time for the best times, and make the most you can. Don't hate, hold grudges, and be bitter. Let it go and make a friend in the process. Thank you Cathy for your story and God please bless Cathy, her Husband and Kristen.

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit

Your story reminded me of this song Casting Crowns - Who Am I
That God heard you and knows you and loves you. And that goes for everyone! Love this song!

signing off - SmTownTexasGirl