Tears Are Simply Enough

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This is on page 61

All day today, I was thinking about children and how joyful and how blessed I am to have such healthy and brilliant kids. But then also some things from the past arose that I have not thought about in a long time. And I felt like maybe I should share those. I am going to tell a story about a girl I knew. I will not give her name just because this is her story and I don't want her to feel betrayed or that I told a secret about her. Most of my friends or family do not know this women or have never met so I should be pretty safe with the story. And if by chance she read this or crosses my path again I am doing this because I like I told you... Your story can help others with hurt or save them from making those same mistakes....

I just started my new school for pregnant females in high school. Yes high school.... anyways I felt so alone in that school and really didn't know anyone. I remember walking into the class and looking around where there was NO desk but tables so we could adjust the chairs to sit. Well of course with our big bellies. I was so afraid. Because leaving my old school I was not showing but everyone knew so the jokes and stares were there. So now having a belly, entering into a room with teenagers.. You can see where I am going at. But as I walked through the door to enter my new classroom. I noticed there were lots of girls just like me. And they smiled and greeted me. They teacher announced my name. And asked me to tell alittle about myself and how far along I am and my due date. As I sat down next to a girl that asked me sit with her. We started getting to know each other. We ate lunch together and hung out. She introduced me to lots of other girls which also became my friends. As the months started going on I realized how many friends I did make there. And was even voted funniest person. Every morning we had to do group classes and talk to a counselor or to the group about what was going on in our life's and share together. As I was walking to my next class I notice she was crying and I asked her if she was ok? "She" we will call Tonya... Tonya said, no I am not I feel awful and just don't know how I am going to handle this again. I said, yes pregnancy can make you feel awful but everything will be ok! Tonya stared at me and said YOU don't understand, and she walked off into the class. As we sat in our computer desk she MSG me. And we are not suppose to do that in class. So I wrote her back super fast and closed it out. Tonya wrote is it ok if after school we go and talk somewhere? I said sure! Anything you need! Finally the bell rang and we walked out of the class to my car and got inside. She stared at me so blankly. I said, What is it? ..Umm Promise you won't hate me? I laughed, no!! I will not hate you. Seriously? Why would I hate you? Tonya turned to look at the window and didn't say anything for a minute or so. I said Tonya you are scaring me! Did something bad happen? Are you ok? I am not sure what to think! She said, Shut up and listen I have never told anyone this and I don't want you to hate me. The only person that knows is my boyfriend. About six months ago I did something awful..... And my heart hurts and I can't stop thinking about it and now I am pregnant! And I am so stupid! I said you are not stupid! What happened six months ago? She said I thought it was no big deal that it would solve everything. I would never remember it again. But it replays in my head over and over again. What?? I said. Ok, I was pregnant 6 months ago... and you see I am four almost five weeks now. Do you see? Oh no! Did you lose the baby? I said. She said NO I didn't I had abortion! I said Oh, Tonya! And now you are pregnant again? She said YES! So loud and angry! I did not mean to make you mad. I am just trying to figure out what is going on.. Tonya turned with big tears and said Here it is My sister has a three year old! When her three year old turns four I should have a baby and when her three year turns five. I should have a one year old! DO you see!! as she starting breathing heavy and was trying to catch her breath. At the time I was sixteen. Staring and what do I say? How to I help her? Even though everything was happening so fast just for a quick second I prayed, God will you give me words to speak. Please help me talk to her. I said, Tonya look at me! Calm down and listen I know you are hurt. And I know from the way you are acting that your heart hurts with anger, sadness and regret. Before I could finish my sentence she said yes and now I am bring another baby in this mess and this baby has nothing to do with this! If I hadn't have done that this baby wouldn't even be born! I looked at her with shock that I was hearing this. I took a deep breath and listened to my heart. And told her listen. I don't know the pain you are going through and that I am so sorry you are hurting. I grab her and hugged her as hard as a could. And whispered in her ear. God still loves you. And he will never stop loving you. Your child is up in heaven with Jesus and is waiting for you. This child will never hate or have anger towards you. The truth is Tonya you made a decision that will effect your life. And that decision can either help people or destroy you. Your story is special and should be shared with care when you find that peace. God has freedom in his hands and he wants you to brake free from this. As I was trying to finish she said how am I going to love this other baby? Knowing what I did to my first child. I said YOU will love this baby as a gift. There is always a meaning and this child will be born because GOD already knows his/her name and this baby has a purpose and a plan. She looked down at the floor board and I stopped to think. How fortunate I am to have a mother that taught me not only is it wrong. But the hurt that it will bring. And the power of that hurt is strong I could tell. It was consuming her every thought. Tonya you see we all go through something different and yours is a powerful. It is done and YOU will make it! You are still a mother now even if you weren't pregnant. Tonya looked up and starting crying even harder. I leaned over and hugged her again! She said I don't know what to do anymore. I wish I could go back. I told her to talk to the counselor about what she is going through and that no matter what GOD will forgive her and she will make it through. I explained about how sin can destroy our life's and thats what the devil wants to happen. He wants you to never let this go. I said scream it from the top of your lungs and tell him HE DIDN'T WIN! She screamed as loud as she could! And kept on screaming and I started screaming with her! Not only did she scream he didn't win! She also was screaming out at her boyfriend and her mom for not being there for her. And ask God to help and heal her! I am sure if someone was outside they were thinking... What is going on in there? She stopped and said, thank you I do feel alittle better. I said Yes but you need healing and you have to FORGIVE yourself. So we prayed and after that the last time I ever saw her was by some apartments of one of my other friends I was about twenty at that time. I smiled up at her. She said HEY! come here! This is my son! And I smiled at him and said he is cute! How are you? Tonya said. I am good with the biggest smile ever! Well that is great and you look great. I hope all is well. I have never seen her again. So I do hope all is still well. And that she found her healing in the fathers hands.


The whole reason I even mentioned this story is how abortion can crash you so bad. Even if it wasn't one and you had a miscarriage and you feel it was your fault or not! The best words I can say is scream it out as loud as you can!!! No matter what anyone tells you that is a baby. And no one tells you about the pain and counseling you might need afterwards. From her story I can't tell her true feelings. But As many stories I have heard like this.. I see there pain and God will NEVER stop loving you and he knows your pain! Some of us may never know what happens until we sin and then we get the consequences. Honestly from my heart. I do believe that also goes for no sin is greater than the other. Yours just might feel like it hurts more. I wish I could say what it is but all I know it my destiny is to help the broken. So when I hear or see that brokenness in your eyes I can't help it but say something. I hope that when you are reading this if hurt arises in your heart tonight to let it out! Let the TEARS flow!! Show God that you are ready for your heart and mind to be healed from whatever it is that has happened to you either abortion or miscarriage.

Seeds Of Hope by Terese Holloway published by Creation house - A spoken farewell can NEVER convey; What a tear from the eye can silently say. Nor the stain on a letter, from one tear that falls, For what a tiny tear says, will usually cover it all. You see, when tears are released, from the depth of the soul; They can pierce through the hurt, and bring warmth to console.
For it's in a heart-splitting moment, in the midst of it all; God will touch the emotions and let the tears fall. Words need NOT always be spoken, to understand love; Because sometimes in silence---Tears Are Simply Enough!


I hope that her story touched you. I have heard many like hers and I know it hurts. But again There is forgiveness in the Fathers Hands! So today let your heart be fixed! Find your freedom and most of all FORGIVE yourself. You are still a amazing women and NO matter what anyone says. You can still find GOD and that glue for all the broken pieces of your heart. Scream and shout and LET it all out. Just like the poem says let the tears fall. And you don't even need WORDS. He already knows what your needs are.


signing off SmTownTexasGirl





This song is Amy Grant - Better than a Hallelujuah

Yes this is that song I mention in the one of my blogs this is a perfect song for a broken heart it will touch you!! I love it! It has also helped me!